Friday, December 17, 2010

Tips for Impressing Your Barkeep

Yes. Recovery is almost finished. Energy levels are still a bit wonky, but pretty much, I'm back at it.

Mostly that means serving an excess of company Christmas parties, and bartending for catered events. One thing that completely shocks me about these parties is people's lack of ability to be on time. You book a table for 40 people for 5:00 PM, and you don't show up until 5:45 PM, which puts you at the exact same time as the other party of 35. Then, you complain when your food takes a long time. I'm going just put this out there - the later you are, the more people order ahead of you. It's the physics of dining out.

That being said, I've had some very friendly guests lately, and not as many grinches as I expected (though I seem to fall into that category this Christmas). So many friendly ones, in fact, that I am making sure my wedding ring is in full sight at all times. I'm not sure what it is about female bartenders charging horrendous prices for rum and coke, but they're coming out of the woodwork. Perhaps its the fact that I'm generally the only girl in the room they HAVEN'T had to CC on a by-weekly email. Maybe it is just that I try to smile when mixing a caesar, and make conversation when I'm searching for your non-alcoholic beer (really?!). I'm told its a combination of something I'm unintentionally putting out there, and something that wish they were seeing. The funny thing is, there are so many many more head-turning women working there than me. I can only imagine what would happen if they were behind the bar!

Either way, I always feel like the jerk of the situation when I have to let someone down, and try to do it easy. Here, in the spirit of winter festivities are a couple tips for anyone planning to hit on their event bartenders. We see more than you'd think.

1. Festive ties are NOT sexy.

2. Telling me how lame your night is? Not sexy. My night is NEVER as good as I say it is but I can fake it. You're getting free food, and potentially company booze. Just, enjoy it.

3. Asking for a free shot is NOT sexy, you're not the first person to ask, and if we are caught, we will get fired.

4. Bringing mistletoe does not require me to come near you. Bartenders get a boat-load of loopholes most people don't know about. Please leave the holly at home.

5. If you are planning on coming anywhere close to asking your barkeep on a date, or even to the after-party / club / party-in-your-pants, you won't have a chance unless you tip for your drinks. Even the five free tickets you scammed off the underage receptionist. Savvy?

Good luck to all those who are on the prowl this season, and Happy Christmas to the rest of you. If anyone is volunteering to set up and take down my tree, there may be some Pumpkin Bourbon Cheesecake in it for you.

Time for this Grinch to polish her wine crank and get on with it!

**This post had NOTHING to do with writing - but that post is coming**

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