Thursday, December 30, 2010

Gaming: The Slow Motion Death Scene

Today I was listening to The Weakerthans. The funny thing about music is that it can make you long for a life you don't want. For example, whilst listening to "One Great City!" and apartment hunting in Vancouver; all I could think about was flannel lumberjack coats, snow, basement suites and iced over ponds located five minutes from the one-bar town. I've NEVER wanted that life. As far back as I can remember, I've been a city girl. If I'd been allowed caffeine at age five, I would've asked for Starbucks cards instead of Barbies. Yet, here I was, dreaming about living in the small town that I couldn't get away from fast enough, with envy. Lust even. Maybe I'm just having an off day?

In other news, I tried InFamous for the first time. First let me say, I am aware, I'm behind. Second, I've never really blogged about gaming so let me lay down a few guidelines before I tap this land mine of possible comment abuse.

1. I am a girl.
2. I like to game.
3. We have a PS3. We have a Wii. We DO NOT have an X-Box 360. Anyone who wishes to regale me with the song of this so-called travesty is welcome to send me their used 360 which they've just replaced with a bigger HD and Kinect, OR send me a brand NEW 360 complete with Kinect, OR a shiny Best Buy gift card loaded with $335.98 (the price of a 360 with Kinect).
4. I play Bio Shock on "dummy" *ahem* "easy", to give you an idea of my skill level. That being said, I have an 80 priest in WoW (no, I'm not playing Cataclysm).

So, back to InFamous. Just like The Force unleashed, I rather ADORE wreaking havoc with electricity from my finger tips. It is possible that I've had more than several dreams about this very ability. The idea that I am the only person around with this ability is weighty, yet satisfying. I was a little miffed that the game auto-defaulted to inverted horizontal camera controls. Seriously? Was it Dyslexic Gamers Awareness Week when they programmed that? Maybe it's just me, but inverted controls drive me around the fracking bend.

Secondly, and I'm more embarrassed to say this than you are to read it... I am having a hard time without the auto-lock feature that Red Dead Redemption and BioShock have spoiled me with. I don't have a lot of spare time, so when I play a game I like to power through. Aiming just slows me right down. This unfortunate aversion to learning proper aiming tactics caused me to lose every game of 007 Golden Eye I ever played, and almost killed a beautiful gaming partnership (which no longer includes Golden Eye). It has not caused me to nut up and learn to aim. Perhaps InFamous will rock me out of my LazyBoy game play. Perhaps I'll quit if I can't get past this current hurdle (blogging to shake it off).

Third, is it really necessary to die in slow motion? I always consider this such a slap in the face. Lets just put it out there, dying sucks. It will never be glorifying, or exciting. It will always be the moment I feel absolute failure as a gamer, and possibly blow a tantrum due to the slight against my l33tness. There really REALLY is no reason to drag out this moment by programming the game to mock me in slow motion. In InFamous, every time you die, the screen turns black and white, and your character falls dramatically to the ground in whatever twisted, painful position seems the most suited to his demise. The fall itself seems to last eight seconds. In gamer time? FOREVER. I really wish that when I die in game, a quick fade to black will happen, maybe in easy mode big white letters spelling out DEAD, or even throw in a X_X to tip me off, then right back into the action. I get it. I failed. The milk has been spilled, but can we move on before it grows its own bacterial Dubai here? Game developers, I implore you, to avoid brain melting, controller damaging outbursts, please PLEASE avoid the slow-mo deaths.

That's all I've got at this point. For those of you who aren't gamers, I'll let you get back to Angry Birds (who am I kidding, I love that game). For those who are, I'm sure you've already had your daily judge-gasm over this post. Hope it was entertaining to say the least.

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