These past few weeks have been ones of self discovery. Not so much in the vision quest and mushroom granola sort of way. More in the sense that I've pushed myself to the very limits of sanity and I now understand how I deal, sort of way. We've had a bit of a staffing crunch at work, so I've been logging some killer hours the last few months. Lets put it this way, my paycheck is almost double its original size, based on hours alone (the one pleasant side effect). When I work this much a few things suffer. In no particular order they include: Writing, cleaning the bio-hazard that is my house, cooking, spending time with important people, sleeping, and social networking of any kind including blogging. Fortunately I have a supportive husband who has worked very hard to pick up on my failings, and remember my name, even though I am almost never home. I've learned a lot about how I deal with stress, and where my breaking points lie.
Since I've been self discovering all over the place, I thought I'd give you the heads up on a few things you should know about me, if you want to continue down that rabbit hole of crazysauce that is knowing me. So, Alice, here they are:
1: If you invite me to a group or individual event, and use the term WE, I will assume you also mean for me to invite Derek, unless you make it very clear that this is a girls night, work event, or closed function, at which point I will decide whether or not I want to go. My "WE" includes him. That will never change.
2: I will assume that if words come out of your mouth, you mean them, unless you have proven that you often say things that are not true. For example "Did you hear about the giant fire that actually hopped false creek from Kitsilano to the Downtown core?" will be met with horror and shock, unless last week you told me you missed writers group due to a grizzly bear mauling but your scars healed miraculously. You call this gullible, I call it trusting. Pot-ay-toh, Pot-ah-toh. It's who I am.
3. If I am aware that you are trying to manipulate me, I will do EVERYTHING IN MY POWER to avoid giving you what you want, and likely call you out on exactly what you're doing. People who are master manipulators are seldom called out on their talents. I have a secret-ninja-mission to expose them, if only to themselves. Manipulation is a slippery slope you don't even realize you're sliding down most of the time.
4. It takes me a long time to really trust someone, but once you've earned it - you're golden.
5. I rage. A lot. It just boils up inside and I can't hold it in. I can keep my poker face on just long enough to make it to a safe space, and then Mount St. Helen's spews out of my mouth, occasionally burning those standing closest. Those who know me well have learned to pull out their face shields in the nick of time and laugh as I vent my frustrations.
I think that's enough for today. Any of you who are still left hanging around, I commend you for being brave enough. Good luck.