A Series of Small Breaks

A Series of Small Breaks Has Left The Premises

2011-04-23T15:08:00.000-07:00

Not to fear, I am only changing locations.

I have converted over to Wordpress. I have several reasons for the switch:

1. Picture/video/media hosting is MUCH easier.
2. Wordpress has an easy mobile app.
3. It's shiny over there.

New link: A Series of Small Breaks

Please update your RSS readers!

*Be sure to visit over there soon - my review on the world premiere of "Starwhackers" An Evening with The Quaids is coming soon!**

I Won the Green Card Lottery!

2011-04-10T16:26:00.000-07:00

...and for the low low processing fee of $880 dollars, wired to a bank account in the UK of course, I can trade in my free health care and go live the American Dream! Here is the email that was sent to me:

U.S. Department of State sent this message to Rachel Langer
Your registered name is included to show this message originated from U.S. Department of State.
Congratulations, you've won !
Dear Rachel Langer ,

Congratulations ! You are among those randomly selected and registered for further consideration in the diversity immigrant program. Selection guarantees that
you will receive a United States Permanent Resident Card(also known as Green Card or Diversity Visa) only if you follow the instructions for further processing.

Acceptance Date: Friday 8th of April 2011 09:47:45 AM
Winner Name: Rachel Langer
Country of Birth: Canada

Is the Diversity Visa FREE ?
No. There is a big confusion. Only the participation in the Diversity Visa Lottery was free but the winners must pay the visa processing fees.
The fee is used to process your visa related documents and verify your identity.

Fees:

Type of Residence Card Status Amount (per person)
United States Permanent Resident Card Granted! - Waiting for payment of processing fee $880
Processing fees Included
Total $880

INSTRUCTIONS
Please read and follow all the instructions very carefully. With the Diversity Visa (also known as Green Card) you will enjoy all the advantages and benefits of a US permanent resident, including health and education benefits, and employment opportunities along with guidance in your new country, orientation sessions and programs to integrate into mainstream American society. Once received you can use it at any time you want to move in the United States or just travel. The visa must be renewed after 10 years.

Although you will have all the rights that a U.S. citizen has in the United States, without a relative or friend in the United States you may find the relocation difficult and expensive due the lack of experience in the American society. Therefore the U.S. Government helps you with the accommodation and offers you along with each visa Health Insurance (Freedom HSA Direct Individual Health insurance for 1 year), Dwelling(Apartment in any city you prefer, 1 bedroom for 3 months ), a guaranteed job(in the field that you are are currently qualified so you can start working even from the first week you arrive in the United States and get paid as U.S citizen. ) and education (for U.S. Students or Higher Education through EducationUSA. It includes transfer to a U.S college or Univeristy so you can continue your educational study. More details can be found at http://educationusa.state.gov/ .)

We remind you that only the visa processing fee ($880) is mandatory and the visa is guaranteed upon receiving the payment.

Accompanying family members(wife/husband, fiancee, brothers, sisters, children, cousins) may be included in the program and their visas will be provided at the same time with yours so you can travel/move together in the same time. However the fees must be paid per person and each member(e.g wife, brother, parents, children, cousin) must pay $880. There is no discount for children.

Visa Payment processing instructions

The fees must be paid using Western Union money transfer and will be processed by the U.S. embassy in the United Kingdom.
Western Union is a leading provider of International person-to-person money transfer. With more than 150 years experience and 245,000 Agent locations in over 200 countries and territories, Western Union is recognized for sending money quickly, reliably, and safety.
You can send the payment in U.S. dollars or equivalent of your local currency.

Click on the following link to find the nearest Western Union agency and send the fees payment :
Find Western Union Agency
If you are unable to find a Western Union agency near your location, you may ask a relative or friend to pay the fee on your behalf.

After you find a Western Union agency you need to go with cash money, an identity card(e.g passport or national identity card) and send the payment to the U.S. embassy agent address in United Kingdom:

Name : Richard Eason
Address: 24 Grosvenor Square
London, W1A 2LQ
United Kingdom

The payment must be sent to the above U.S. embassy agent address in United Kingdom because the U.S. Government decided this based on the diplomatic relations with your country.

After you send the payment follow the next steps :
a) Email copy/scan of the Western Union receipt at usgov.visa@usa.com
b) Email at usgov.visa@usa.com with the following details (you can find them on the money transfer receipt):

1) Money Transfer Control Number (MTCN):
2) Exact sender's name on file with Western Union:
3) Exact sender's address on file with Western Union:
4) Exact receiver's name on file with Western Union:
5) Amount sent:

Then wait for the confirmation that the payment was received.

Within 72 hours, you will receive a confirmation via email with your Case Number/Confirmation Number and exact date and time(approx. 2 days) of the final interview. Upon successful interview you will receive your documents and travel information to move in the United States. Under no circumstances your visa status won't be affected by the interview.

Important Notice!

The payment must be sent via Western Union no later than April 23, 2011. You are strongly encouraged not to wait until the last day to pay. Heavy demand may result in system delays.
Under no circumstances can diversity visas be issued or adjustments approved after this date, nor can family members obtain diversity visas to follow-to-join the principal applicant in the U.S. after this date.
The visa processing fee(US$ 880) is mandatory for each person and the U.S. Government doesn't offer any discount, loan or exception.
You have been selected winner of the Diversity Visa lottery so the visa is guaranteed upon receiving the payment fees on time.
A hard copy of this letter will be mailed to your postal address upon receiving the payment fees.
Please be advised that even through you are a winner of Diversity Visa your Case Number/Confirmation Number will be provided only after you send the payment confirmation of the fees. Please do not contact us to ask for the Case Number/Confirmation Number.

If it would be necessary to contact the U.S. Department of state YOU MUST ALWAYS REFER TO YOUR NAME. The email address is usgov.visa@usa.com

CONFIDENTIALITY STATEMENT: AUTHORITIES: The information asked for on this form is requested pursuant to Section 222 of the Immigration and Nationality Act. Section 222(f) provides that the records of the Department of State and of diplomatic and consular offices of the United States pertaining to the issuance and refusal of visas or permits to enter the United States shall be considered confidential and shall be used only for the formulation, amendment, administration, or enforcement of the immigration, nationality, and other laws of the United States. Certified copies of such records may be made available to a court provided the court certifies that the information contained in such records is needed in a case pending before the court. PURPOSE: The U.S. Department of State uses the facts you provide on this form primarily to determine your assification and eligibility for a U.S. immigrant visa. Individuals who fail to submit this form or who do not provide all the requested information may be denied a U.S. immigrant visa. Although furnishing this information is voluntary, failure to provide this information may delay or prevent the processing of your case. ROUTINE USES: If you are issued an immigrant visa and are subsequently admitted to the United States as an immigrant, the Department of Homeland Security will use the information on this form to issue you a Permanent Resident Card, and, if you so indicate, the Social Security Administration will use the information to issue a social security number. The information provided may also be released to federal agencies for law enforcement, counterterrorism and homeland security purposes; to Congress and courts within their sphere of jurisdiction; and to other federal agencies who may need the information to administer or enforce U.S. laws.

So... how many do you think I should request? I mean, for under a grand, that's just a steal.

The "Sucker Punch" Syndrome

2011-03-29T23:29:00.000-07:00

I’m probably going to get burned at the stake for this one, but here goes…

Last night we went to see Sucker Punch at the theatre. Truth be told, I’ve been looking forward to this movie ever since I laid eyes on the initial trailer, so I was disappointed to see that it had garnered a whopping 11% on rotten tomatoes, and many scathing reviews. Still, we plunged onward with our plan to watch and enjoy the latest and greatest from visual-ultra-stylist Zack Snyder.

I loved it.

Here’s the thing. When I went to the theatre to watch Repo Men or The Losers I expected loud explosions, plenty of hero shots and a few dialogue zingers. Car chases, muscled men in tight black t-shirts, and a possible damsel in distress all fall within the realm of acceptable and expected elements.

When my girlfriends decided that “He’s Just Not That Into You” was next up for girls night, I expected love scenes, game playing, fashionable shoes and the break-it-right-before-you-make-it relational climax. Witty banter, misguided sex, and self exploration are all on the menu.

What I did not expect from any of these movies was depth of character, intricate plot twists or details, multi-layered story arcs, or anything else worthy of an academy award. This is why it astounds me when people slap Sucker Punch with a sour review claiming “I expected so much more.” Really? Because, you saw the same trailer I did, right? The one where a blonde girl named “Babydoll” wears a two piece Sailor suit and kicks Nazi-Zombies to the curb in an imaginary dream world? And you expected that to be what…Inception?

I feel like this one was all about expectation. People saw 300 and said “Zack Snyder is a visionary director with groundbreaking new visual techniques” then they saw The Watchmen and said “Snyder did the impossible, and made the movie that ‘could not be made’ and people LIKED it” (granted many also hated it, but that’s a whole different sack of hammers). Then Sucker Punch was announced, and it seemed like there was a whole stream of people who decided that this would be the next link in the evolutionary chain of Zac Snyder films.

Sometimes, a movie is just a movie. Cotton candy. Buttery Popcorn. When you go to McDonald’s, you don’t expect a steak. When you go to the Keg, you don’t order a Salisbury steak. It’s all about reading the menu and knowing what’s being served. I guess what I’m getting at is that Sucker Punch earned a bad rap because people chose to write their own future for it, before they saw it for what it was.

Yes, the movie had problems. Yes there were a few shoddy connections, and more than a few moments that left me wanting. But you know what? By the end I didn’t care, because I was fully engaged in a no holds barred, action-packed thrill ride…with girls….and burlesque…and awesome music. I went to Sucker Punch to be entertained. That was it. It achieved that, and I’d watch it again tonight. Just because it doesn’t fall under the genre-tastic über classifiers like Action or Chick Flick, doesn’t mean it can’t just be fun, outrageous, and awesome.

For what it was, and what it was meant to be, I give Sucker Punch both my thumbs up. Just don’t go in with your box of tissues expecting the Kings Speech. That one is probably still playing just down the hall, where Oscar lives.

--HUGE props for this go to Derek Langer for Inceptioning this post’s idea into my head (Somebody better be adding that word to Urban Dictionary right now) and talking this whole post out with me. Twice. --

Enjoying a bit of EpicFAIL

2011-03-25T14:11:00.000-07:00

Today is one of those days where I can only see my failures looming up before me. Something akin to the giant inflatable beavers used in the Vancouver Olympic ceremonies. I didn't invite them, but they showed up just the same.

On days like this I can only focus on what I haven't yet accomplished. Today the top five are as follows:

1. I haven't finished my re-writes for our NSI Totally Television Submission or finished the application a month in advance, as I would have liked to. Now I must scramble, with a deadline looming.

2. We didn't pitch for Crazy8's this year, interrupting what would have certainly (ha!) been our "Third time's a charm" pitch. I was still recovering when the deadline came around and couldn't fathom getting a pitch together in time. Somehow this valid reason doesn't hold sway over the coulda-woulda-shoulda remorse.

3. I have yet to receive any income from my writing this year, and have succeeded in getting my name in print only with respect to being viciously print-slapped by Vanity Fair Magazine in an attempt to defend the wonder women of new media, thinking the establishment must be on board with this vast new wave by now. Precious little petal...

4. I have not finished my current spec. Though it is close to being first draft complete and next in line after the NSI deadline.

5. I have not yet been offered my own television series due to my extremely enlightened and witty tweets in manner of Sh*t My Dad Says (It's an actual show Dad, I promise). I guess I should work on the enlightened and witty tweet part here...

Despite the fact that I have reasons for falling short of all of these idealistic goals, I cannot help thinking that perhaps I am veering wildly off course by not yet accomplishing them yet. I question my commitment to the only career I can fathom doing for the rest of my life, and wonder if I haven't succeeded by now...will I ever? (It is marginally possible that having my birthday this month has pushed me towards creating unrealistic deadlines in my mind, and convincing me that I should have accomplished more by now. At least that's what Freud told me in his recent email.)

Just as I am about to disable my Twitter account -I jest, I jest- I realize that the Canadian minority government has been dissolved, and think that maybe it is just Friday and the whole country is experiencing epicFAIL. If they can carry on, I guess I have to. Besides, I can't for the life of me think of anything else I want to do with myself, so what choice do I really have anyway?

So I bid yesterday's failures a very pleasant good morning and continue haphazardly charging forward, attempting to mold them into today's triumphs.

Coverage

2011-03-12T12:33:00.000-08:00

Over the last few months I have been offering free coverage on Twitter and my blog. I am convinced that one of the most effective ways to become a better writer is to read read read. Now that my class has come to completion, I am ready to do some more coverage. I am planning to start offering script coverage as a paid service eventually, but right now I am operating on a donation basis. I have experience writing coverage for colleagues, as well as production companies on a volunteer basis.

If you are looking for notes for a feature, short film, TV pilot or spec episode, I would love to provide it, then, based on my turnaround time and the value of the notes you can decide what you think it is worth and donate (or not donate) via the paypal button on this site.

Feel free to contact me via Twitter (@rachlanger) or send an email to rachlanger2@gmail.com if you're interested.

How My Script is Like Ridley Scott's Alien

2011-02-21T22:56:00.000-08:00

That Alien is a bitch.

She randomly bursts out of some poor unsuspecting dude's chest over an evening meal, bringing everything else to a screeching halt.

She gets bigger, and more powerful and develops a mouth (or two) of her own.

She chases Ripley LITERALLY to the ends of the earth.

She never ever EVER does what you want her to do.

Ironically my script is about zombies. At least my genre preference is consistent. Hey Monday - How are ya?

**Still looking for daily votes for the Doritos "Write The End" contest. Vote HERE once daily, with my thanks!**

Repeat Obsessed

2011-02-15T15:41:00.000-08:00

I am currently under the spell of two songs by two very different artists.

FIRST: "Sail" by AWOLNATION who's EP is on iTunes. It's not much of a video but DANG that song gets to me.

SECOND: "Dog Days are Over" by Florence and the Machine. I know I'm late to the party on this one, but I can't get enough. Not sure how I feel about this particular video either, but here it is.

So if you're like me and wear out your repeat button when the obsession hits, I hope I haven't screwed you over for the rest of the week. But also, kinda hope I have.

PS: Sorry if this shows up in your feed twice, I am trying out Wordpress as a secondary option. Let me know what you like better!

**Don't forget to keep voting for my over the top Doritos ending! Once per day and you can connect via Facebook!**

A Plea for Help: Doritos Involved!

2011-02-08T15:12:00.000-08:00

Lately I've been doing everything I can to take my writing seriously. I've been banging down virtual doors, surfing the highs and lows of rejection letters, finishing up way overdue writers notes and writing a spec.

I'm taking a class once a week on television writing, and though the course is generally designed for beginners with little to no writing experience, I am finding the opportunity to read and critique every week pushing me to expand my knowledge base, and exercise everything I have learned in my stint as a writer. Also, writing an Act per week of my spec is a great deadline (not to mention kicking my ass!).

I'm still falling off the wagon on my haiku movie reviews, still behind on some reads, and have the third draft of our pilot looming overhead. I'm loving the busyness, though my caffeine consumption has gone steadily through the roof. I'm still putting in 5-6 days a week at the restaurant, and struggling to deal with some lasting health issues. I'm giving you the pity party so you'll feel sorry for me, because I need your help!!

Doritos is having a contest to write the ending of their new commercial. I wrote one, submitted it, and am now in the whining for your vote - shameless self promotion phase. I realize how irritating this can be, but think of the DORITOS! And the baby puppies...who might not make it if you don't vote.

I realize the ending is a bit over the top, but watch the beginning of the commercial and I think you'll agree it was the only way to go. Any friend promotion you can give me would be heartily appreciated. Here is the link to my ending:

Rachel's Dorito Ending of Epic Win (We Hope?!)

I promise to vote for you on the next thing that you require a vote on, (cutest offspring for the baby-a-day toilet paper, any writing contest, not guilty plea?!) Or I will come to your house to do your dishes, but only if you live outside the GVA and are willing to fly me in... It's a fair deal, right? Doritos.

Black Swan

2011-01-07T14:20:00.000-08:00

Haiku Movie Review:

Darkly Riveting
Risks for Intelligent Eyes
Balance Reached En Pointe

**DISCLAIMER** Moderate Plot Spoilers

Black Swan is about a professional ballerina who is desperate to play the part of the Swan Queen (twin sisters, one good, one evil) in the Swan Lake Ballet. Natalie Portman plays Nina, a timid perfectionist whose life revolves solely around her career as a dancer in a New York company. Nina, whilst technically perfect, has trouble losing herself in the dark role as the Black Swan (the evil sister). Under the direction of the company's choreographer Thomas Leroy (Vincent Cassel), Nina fights to embody the nature of the Black Swan, while barely holding her personal life together. As Nina fights to transform herself, the company's newest dancer Lily (Mila Kunis) competes for the Swan role, and thrusts her free-spirited nature in Nina's face. Nina gets more than she bargained for as her transformation into the Black Swan begins to take on a physical manifestation. Nina's struggle to address her inner demons tangos with her obsession surrounding the Black Swan part, culminating in a beautiful tryst between reality and art obsession.

Having only seen one Aronofsky film prior to this, I went into Black Swan with a cautious optimism, accompanied by a sense of trepidation. I really did NOT enjoy The Wrestler. Perhaps it was the fact that I hate on screen fighting (I close my eyes a lot in Rocky) coupled with the fact that I couldn't shield my compassion nerve from the tragic main character. Maybe it was Aranofsky's tendency to follow a non-linear sense of pacing, but it just didn't do it for me. Having been regaled of the abstract glories of Pi and Requiem for a Dream, I had no idea what to expect from Black Swan. That being said, I have a weakness for ballet movies and for Natalie Portman so it couldn't be an all around lose. Needless to say, it was a big win for me.

Aronofsky requests a certain level of intelligence from his viewers, and in so doing can take greater risks with a bigger payoff. The delicate balance between art and illness, control and obsession, is beautifully blurred as we follow the transformation of Nina from timidly cerebral into the visceral world of her art form, we too become entangled in a world lacking definition between reality and obsession, and Aronofsky refuses to explain the difference. To me, this was the main reason the film worked. It was unlike any other film I've seen with similar themes. It grants the viewer some breathing room, to decide for themselves what their reality is. Paired with beautiful dancing and stark visual realism, Aronofsky balances a tightrope between drama and horror. Though the startling moments are few and far between, they still pack a heavy punch that is in keeping with the disturbing nature of the visuals.

Natalie Portman is fully committed to the character of Nina. If there is a role that I'm going to see, everytime I see her in the future, this may be it. Her expressions and body language embody the essence of someone who is not quite whole. She is painful to watch yet you can't tear your eyes away. Mila Kunis was also impressive in the role of Lily, the free spirited dancer who lacks all the inhibitions that Nina has cultivated. She oozes sensuality, and is aware enough to hold back in keeping with the film's subtle nature. Overall the film was well cast, and acted. The dialogue was simple without being insipid. The subtext was almost completely left to body language and visual device.

What made the biggest impression on me was the film's sychronicity with Swan Lake. Watching this movie was like being at the ballet. The same suspension of disbelief is brought in, but part way through you're so swept up in the majesty of the story that you forget that the dancers may be on wires. The balance of all attributes was a delicately woven spider web. It was one of the more beautiful and starkly contrasted films I've seen in a while. It kept my mind riveted on it far after we left the theatre, and I'm still dealing with some of the more vivid images. I'd give this film a 4.5 / 5. If I was the only person who would ever watch this film again I'd give it a five, however I think that anyone who doesn't have my blind appreciation for Natalie and ballet may not be quite as riveted as I was. Also, the balance between genres is bound to cause a few people frustration.

**MAJOR SPOILER ALERT** Read on at your own risk. I mean it, I'm going to ruin the end!! **

At the end of the film, Aronofsky chooses to fade to white. I have to say, this is possibly the most ballsy thing I have witnessed in any film I've watched in the past two years. If you know how Swan Lake ends, you can imagine how the film finishes. The fade to white is a pretty serious statement on the justification of the means by which Nina meets her demise. It plays with the idea that in becoming the Black Swan, Nina has conquered her demons and is therefore set free to become the White Swan in the after life. To me, this also makes the statement that the movie completes its purpose with perfection, and instead of fading into the black unknown, makes its way into the white light at the end of the tunnel. I'm not sure I agree with this choice, but it sure made me think.

Questions

2011-01-05T17:39:00.000-08:00

Harvest or Rescue?

Horde or Alliance?

Movies or Television?

These are the questions on my mind today. Help?

Video Games, Cont'd

2011-01-04T18:26:00.000-08:00

Apparently you can fly in InFamous. This is what I was told when discussing my current roadblock with some fellow gamers. Let's just the the words came with a look of complete incredulousness at my complete lack of skill and knowledge - I can has compassion plz? I maintain that I haven't gotten to the flying part yet (I'm REALLY REALLY not that far along) and have decided to return to BioShock.

In EB Games today all I could do was drool. When it comes to video games I have a bit of a follow through issue. A completion deficiency. As in, I don't. Ever. I didn't finish Red Dead Redemption, I didn't get through Heavenly Sword, I never even finished Mario Bros. I have a problem.

What is on your gaming wishlist right now? Winter-een-mas is just around the bend!

PS: Writing classes start Wednesday January 26th. I am SUPER excited.

Gaming: The Slow Motion Death Scene

2010-12-30T01:45:00.000-08:00

Today I was listening to The Weakerthans. The funny thing about music is that it can make you long for a life you don't want. For example, whilst listening to "One Great City!" and apartment hunting in Vancouver; all I could think about was flannel lumberjack coats, snow, basement suites and iced over ponds located five minutes from the one-bar town. I've NEVER wanted that life. As far back as I can remember, I've been a city girl. If I'd been allowed caffeine at age five, I would've asked for Starbucks cards instead of Barbies. Yet, here I was, dreaming about living in the small town that I couldn't get away from fast enough, with envy. Lust even. Maybe I'm just having an off day?

In other news, I tried InFamous for the first time. First let me say, I am aware, I'm behind. Second, I've never really blogged about gaming so let me lay down a few guidelines before I tap this land mine of possible comment abuse.

1. I am a girl.
2. I like to game.
3. We have a PS3. We have a Wii. We DO NOT have an X-Box 360. Anyone who wishes to regale me with the song of this so-called travesty is welcome to send me their used 360 which they've just replaced with a bigger HD and Kinect, OR send me a brand NEW 360 complete with Kinect, OR a shiny Best Buy gift card loaded with $335.98 (the price of a 360 with Kinect).
4. I play Bio Shock on "dummy" *ahem* "easy", to give you an idea of my skill level. That being said, I have an 80 priest in WoW (no, I'm not playing Cataclysm).

So, back to InFamous. Just like The Force unleashed, I rather ADORE wreaking havoc with electricity from my finger tips. It is possible that I've had more than several dreams about this very ability. The idea that I am the only person around with this ability is weighty, yet satisfying. I was a little miffed that the game auto-defaulted to inverted horizontal camera controls. Seriously? Was it Dyslexic Gamers Awareness Week when they programmed that? Maybe it's just me, but inverted controls drive me around the fracking bend.

Secondly, and I'm more embarrassed to say this than you are to read it... I am having a hard time without the auto-lock feature that Red Dead Redemption and BioShock have spoiled me with. I don't have a lot of spare time, so when I play a game I like to power through. Aiming just slows me right down. This unfortunate aversion to learning proper aiming tactics caused me to lose every game of 007 Golden Eye I ever played, and almost killed a beautiful gaming partnership (which no longer includes Golden Eye). It has not caused me to nut up and learn to aim. Perhaps InFamous will rock me out of my LazyBoy game play. Perhaps I'll quit if I can't get past this current hurdle (blogging to shake it off).

Third, is it really necessary to die in slow motion? I always consider this such a slap in the face. Lets just put it out there, dying sucks. It will never be glorifying, or exciting. It will always be the moment I feel absolute failure as a gamer, and possibly blow a tantrum due to the slight against my l33tness. There really REALLY is no reason to drag out this moment by programming the game to mock me in slow motion. In InFamous, every time you die, the screen turns black and white, and your character falls dramatically to the ground in whatever twisted, painful position seems the most suited to his demise. The fall itself seems to last eight seconds. In gamer time? FOREVER. I really wish that when I die in game, a quick fade to black will happen, maybe in easy mode big white letters spelling out DEAD, or even throw in a X_X to tip me off, then right back into the action. I get it. I failed. The milk has been spilled, but can we move on before it grows its own bacterial Dubai here? Game developers, I implore you, to avoid brain melting, controller damaging outbursts, please PLEASE avoid the slow-mo deaths.

That's all I've got at this point. For those of you who aren't gamers, I'll let you get back to Angry Birds (who am I kidding, I love that game). For those who are, I'm sure you've already had your daily judge-gasm over this post. Hope it was entertaining to say the least.

Tips for Impressing Your Barkeep

2010-12-17T13:54:00.001-08:00

Yes. Recovery is almost finished. Energy levels are still a bit wonky, but pretty much, I'm back at it.

Mostly that means serving an excess of company Christmas parties, and bartending for catered events. One thing that completely shocks me about these parties is people's lack of ability to be on time. You book a table for 40 people for 5:00 PM, and you don't show up until 5:45 PM, which puts you at the exact same time as the other party of 35. Then, you complain when your food takes a long time. I'm going just put this out there - the later you are, the more people order ahead of you. It's the physics of dining out.

That being said, I've had some very friendly guests lately, and not as many grinches as I expected (though I seem to fall into that category this Christmas). So many friendly ones, in fact, that I am making sure my wedding ring is in full sight at all times. I'm not sure what it is about female bartenders charging horrendous prices for rum and coke, but they're coming out of the woodwork. Perhaps its the fact that I'm generally the only girl in the room they HAVEN'T had to CC on a by-weekly email. Maybe it is just that I try to smile when mixing a caesar, and make conversation when I'm searching for your non-alcoholic beer (really?!). I'm told its a combination of something I'm unintentionally putting out there, and something that wish they were seeing. The funny thing is, there are so many many more head-turning women working there than me. I can only imagine what would happen if they were behind the bar!

Either way, I always feel like the jerk of the situation when I have to let someone down, and try to do it easy. Here, in the spirit of winter festivities are a couple tips for anyone planning to hit on their event bartenders. We see more than you'd think.

1. Festive ties are NOT sexy.

2. Telling me how lame your night is? Not sexy. My night is NEVER as good as I say it is but I can fake it. You're getting free food, and potentially company booze. Just, enjoy it.

3. Asking for a free shot is NOT sexy, you're not the first person to ask, and if we are caught, we will get fired.

4. Bringing mistletoe does not require me to come near you. Bartenders get a boat-load of loopholes most people don't know about. Please leave the holly at home.

5. If you are planning on coming anywhere close to asking your barkeep on a date, or even to the after-party / club / party-in-your-pants, you won't have a chance unless you tip for your drinks. Even the five free tickets you scammed off the underage receptionist. Savvy?

Good luck to all those who are on the prowl this season, and Happy Christmas to the rest of you. If anyone is volunteering to set up and take down my tree, there may be some Pumpkin Bourbon Cheesecake in it for you.

Time for this Grinch to polish her wine crank and get on with it!

**This post had NOTHING to do with writing - but that post is coming**

What do you do when

2010-11-17T22:51:00.000-08:00

...you feel backwards?

I KNOW you know what I mean. The things you normally do aren't what you want. The food you want to eat doesn't hit your hunger G-spot. The books you want to read seem to blur into one page that you read 25 times. The things you write... well, they just aren't right.

I use other people's words. Poetry, specifically. Here is some more.

Beware the Jabberwock, my son!
The jaws that bite, the claws that catch!
Beware the Jubjub bird, and shun
The frumious Bandersnatch!"

He took his vorpal sword in hand:
Long time the manxome foe he sought --
So rested he by the Tumtum tree,
And stood awhile in thought...

..."And, has thou slain the Jabberwock?
Come to my arms, my beamish boy!
O frabjous day! Callooh! Callay!'
He chortled in his joy.

Excepts from "Jabberwocky" by Lewis Carroll

What do YOU do, for backwards days?

Someone Else Always Says It Better.

2010-11-16T18:33:00.000-08:00

Fate has written a tragedy; its name is "The Human Heart".
The Theatre is the House of Life, Woman the mummer's part;
The Devil enters the prompter's box and the play is ready to start.

--- from "The Harpy" by Robert Service

The Thrill Is Gone...and by Thrill, I Mean Groove.

2010-11-15T16:21:00.000-08:00

I've been a little rocked lately. Spinning on a different axis.

I don't like it.

The littlest tasks, things that I'm passionate about in theory, take an unbelievable effort. The thing is, I'm not tired of this business. If anything, I'm desperate to jump in the deep end, but I can't climb the stairs to the diving board without getting out of breath.

Most of this is due to the one big elephant in the corner of my body. The elephant is scheduled to be transported to a new location as early as Tuesday next week, or as late as December 14th. Until the beasts removal, distance training is out of the question. I guess until then, I am running sprints. Hopefully each sprint takes me closer to the other side of this valley I've been dropped in, until I can see the other side.

Here are the sprints for this week.

1. Finish the read that is currently on my virtual desk and send off notes.
2. Sharpen ideas for Crazy 8s pitch and decide on front runners.
3. Connect with the two people I've been wanting to see, regarding something we ARE very excited about.
4. Decide who, out of the many MANY Movember candidates I know who are scruffing it up for a worthy cause, will receive my donation.
5. Eat Pho. Twice.

I suppose I could try to inject more analogies into this post, but I love my 18 followers, and am hoping for numbers 19 and 20 in the next week, so I'll play it safe. Until then, send me an encouraging sprint-worthy /CHEER, and then go visit me over at The Future Ex Waitress, and send me your script - I still have one spot left for a read with notes!

Time for Pho #1. Peace!

Friday Shout Out

2010-11-05T11:51:00.001-07:00

It's crisp outside. Leaves are crumpled and blowing down the street. One latent neighbour has managed to ignore the rotting jack-o-lantern on his or her stoop. There is no time quite like the time between fall and winter. The grey area when the ski hills aren't open just yet, but the television is reminding us every day that our credit cards are about to be maxed to capacity. What better time of year to listen to some sweet soulful jazz?

This Friday's shout out goes to Quintessential. A local jazz band that gigs around Vancouver, and has just come out with their third album "Coffee". They are a fantastic four piece, and they are available for bookings, and general merriment. Also, their bass player just happens to be my fabulous Father.

Take a listen to their albums HERE. If you like what you hear, you can order their albums online. They also have a Christmas album. It makes a great gift. If you know anyone who likes jazz or just general awesomeness, send them over to Quintessential they won't be disappointed.

Ruby Skye PI - Are YOU Caught Up?

2010-11-04T17:46:00.001-07:00

Check out this delightful new web-series, courtesy of the immensely talented Jill Golick, Kerry Young, Karen Walton et al, along with some incredible sponsors. Get the whole story HERE, complete with activities and brownies! Or follow them on Twitter! Such a great series, with relevant messages, and exciting mysteries. Are YOU caught up? I sure am.

______

Two other things of note:

1. I still have two spots available to do a read for YOU! First come first serve. Head on over to The Future Ex-Waitress and comment, or email me at rachlanger2@gmail.com to reserve your spot.

2. I am FINALLY running another #DSLC (Double Shift Logline Challenge) tomorrow, so get your loglines prepped and ready, and follow me on Twitter for the submission call. Prizes TBA.

Three Things Weighing on This Wednesday

2010-11-03T15:46:00.000-07:00

Gordon Campbell has stepped down.

No one is eating out in Vancouver.

I am still waiting on surgery.

These are three issues that are affecting my day. One less so than the others. I didn't vote for Gordon Campbell. I'm uncertain what the ramifications of him stepping down are, and if this will give the correct focus to the tax referendum or not. I hope that whoever steps up to the plate will be prepared for the bees nest that they are entering, and can find a way to make some honey for the province of BC. I don't know too much about Gordon Campbell, though I can't help but wonder if his reasons for stepping down are the same when he gives them at the dinner table instead of in front of the cameras.

No one is eating out. Despite the fact that winter is nipping at our heels and restaurants are usually beginning to feel the first pushes of the Christmas rush, NO ONE is eating out. Except people with coupons. They're coming in spades. Coupons are great for bringing in the business, but not so great when forty dollars is discounted off an otherwise profitable bill. I don't know whether the decline in patronage is fallout from the recession, delayed reaction to the HST spike, or renewed sense of frugal behavior in Canada, but it's definitely killing my Snowboard fund buzz.

I am extremely biased at this time, but I am currently VERY frustrated with the health care system in Canada. Don't get me wrong, I would take our free health care system over the majority of country's any day, and I am SO thankful that medical care is provided to all without debilitating costs, but I am currently stuck in the system's limbo, and it's killing me softly (without the song). I'm not sure I can bring myself to tell the sordid story to the interwebs, but I'm sure the two IV bruises that I'm currently sporting will be sufficient proof of my frustration for the time being.

While trying to hide from my physical pain, and garner some semblance of income to make up for all the days of work I've missed, I've created a new venture. I've decided to give it its own site for the time being, but if I find the dual sites too difficult to manage, I'll find a way to combine them. To check it out - go HERE.

Yet Another Venture

2010-11-03T13:46:00.001-07:00

Expanding my online niche

The Future Ex-Waitress

Happy Halloween!

2010-10-31T18:04:00.000-07:00

Jack-O-Lanterns for Generation Text

Falling Off....

2010-09-17T15:31:00.000-07:00

...the wagon? Yes. But only insofar as #DSLC is concerned.

I still owe my notes (which are being worked on) to @Tracinell

I still owe a video shout out to ...someone. Whom I haven't announced yet.

I have three excuses. One, you don't want to hear. Two, I am in the job changing process. Running back and forth between the old (where I train) and the new (where I am BEING trained) has exhausted me. Three, the dog ate my homework. We don't have a dog.

Anyway, the new job may or may not be the end to my double shifts. If it works out that way, I will find a new way to DSLC. Stay posted.

It's Getting Kagey In Here!

2010-08-18T13:21:00.000-07:00

Congratulations to Thursday's #DSLC winner Kim Garland! Get ready to be cordially introduced:

Kim Garland is a freelance writer from Hell’s Kitchen, NYC. She works in literary acquisitions and development for Braven Films and spends her downtime fighting, cursing and crying her way through her first feature-length script. It’s a comedy.

She received her Bachelor of Arts degree from Columbia University’s Writing Program and after college worked in book publishing for Houghton Mifflin and Random House. She gave up Publishing’s coveted expense accounts and “summer hours” for the glamour of a dotcom startup. Yes, that was dumb, but since it ultimately led to following her heart and pursuing her longtime dream of working in the film industry, it turned out okay in the end. Let’s hope that comedy screenplay follows suit.

Kim would like to thank the fine folks of #scriptchat for her glorious win of #DSLC, though she’s not yet convinced she wasn’t the only one who submitted this week (she wasn't) and therefore won by default (she didn't).

You can follow Kim on twitter @KageyNYC and find her lurking in Sunday night's #Scriptchat. Look for her name in lights in the very near future.

The next #DSLC will run tomorrow (that's Thursday). You will have from 8AM until 8PM pst to submit your best logline to rachlanger2@gmail.com in order to win tomorrow's prize, which is still percolating in my head.

Another Day, Another #DSLC

2010-08-09T17:06:00.000-07:00

Congrats to the winners of the Double Shift Logline Challenges (#DSLC) for this week.

Tuesday's winner: @tracinell has won a free read/notes from me.
Thursday's winner: @robertcarroll has won a free read/notes from benefactor @zacsanford.

Here were some of the submissions I've received this week (Posted with permission, of course). Mine are hiding in there also. I will update this post with more of the submissions once I've received permission from their authors.

Elegantly Wasted – Four high school graduates decide to spend the summer before college partying in England, but when they get paired up with a Royal family, they're forced to try live the summer of a lifetime without destroying centuries of family tradition.

Rules of a Successful Bachelor - Tristan's a womanizer, that secretly runs a pickup website and falls for the one woman that knows all his tricks... his competition.

Dreaming of Me - Roles are comically reversed when a hunky celebrity stalks the nameless girl in his nightly, romantic dreams to convince her they are soul mates.

Drive Through Justice - A middle school student convinces his dis-barred lawyer uncle to help him sue a local fast food chain after his father dies of a heart attack while eating their food.

After being separated by a riot in the streets of Tokyo, a young couple embarks on wild one-night quest to reunite with one another.

Double Shift Logline Challenge - Thursday

2010-07-31T12:13:00.000-07:00

The loglines from Thursday's #DSLC (posted with permission):

High Speed –Two stoner college students discover they can travel the world by transferring themselves via a high-speed internet router made with a bong and an 8-track player

A news photographer captures the shot of a lifetime, but is forced to decide between love and fortune when the scandalous nature of her photograph turns out on closer inspection to be her new boyfriend caught during the commission of a serious crime. A comedy

MITTENS: A lonely high school prodigy befriends the CIA’s latest in spy technology, a talking robotic cat, and together they must destroy the master plan of a global crime syndicate

When Jake clicked "next blog" on the blogger web site, he had no idea that next blog would cause him to fall in love.

A newlywed couple is stuck living their honeymoon over and over again and, as the years pass on this endless vacation, they uncover whether they are truly meant to be together ‘til death do them part

A struggling artist sketches series of anti-corporate portraits centering on his father's investment business and finds himself pulled into a world of corporate intrigue when his sketches uncover an ugly truth.

**WINNER**
A 50-year-old spinster accidentally becomes the leader of a biker gang and destroys America's roughest biker town in ENID BURGESS TAKES DOWN STURGIS

_____

Thank you to @eyamie, @KageyNYC, @RobertCarroll, @ZacSanford, @Yeah_Write, @ZaniacMedic, and @NoPantsIsland for playing along with my silly game (Mine is included in there as well).

Congrats again to @Eyamie who pulled out the win with a short, succinct, humorous logline including a great title, winning a copy of Quintessential's CD.

_____

Next week's #DSLC will take place on Tuesday, and Thursday (according to my current schedule) On those days, send your logline to rachlanger2@gmail.com before 6PM PST to be considered. I'll think of a new exciting prize to accompany the winner's #FF.

Inception, Loglines, and Follow Fridays

2010-07-17T12:58:00.000-07:00

This is a buffet post, more than one item on the menu. First and foremost - INCEPTION! We saw it last night and needless to say I was not disappointed. Wow. Here is my #HaikuMovieReview

INCEPTION

Complex and driven
Intricately beautiful
Intense story art

Walking out of a movie that intentionally expects an intelligent viewer, entertains, and inspires is so refreshing. I am going again.

___

Now I want to talk about the DSLC. I am giving myself a new challenge to go along with the intense hours that I'm working. I'm also inviting you to play along! Thus begins the "Double Shift Logline Challenge" (DSLC). Everytime I work a double shift - I have a possible 3 in a row next week - I am challenging myself to write a logline on my break, and challenging you to write one as well! Submit them to me via DM on Twitter or email them to me. Every time I get more than five on a given day, I will choose a winner, give them a #FollowFriday on Twitter, and post their logline on my blog, if they so choose.

We had a blast with it on Thursday. Its the best way I can think of to keep myself being creative on a short timeline. I've decided to embrace the crazy hours, and to force myself to keep my head in the writing game, even on my longest days. Watch for the hashtags on Twitter under #QuickWriting and #DSLC. Looking forward to playing!

___

I owe a Follow Friday to @robertcarroll and @zaniacmedic for their participation in the DSLC on Thursday - Thanks for playing along! A couple other people you should check out on Twitter:

The Scriptchat Treefort Crew (Sunday night work has limited my involvement - but these guys are awesome!)

@jeannevb
@zacsanford
@KageyNYC
@dreamsgrafter
@yeah_write

A Few Things You Should Know About Me

2010-06-24T09:19:00.000-07:00

These past few weeks have been ones of self discovery. Not so much in the vision quest and mushroom granola sort of way. More in the sense that I've pushed myself to the very limits of sanity and I now understand how I deal, sort of way. We've had a bit of a staffing crunch at work, so I've been logging some killer hours the last few months. Lets put it this way, my paycheck is almost double its original size, based on hours alone (the one pleasant side effect). When I work this much a few things suffer. In no particular order they include: Writing, cleaning the bio-hazard that is my house, cooking, spending time with important people, sleeping, and social networking of any kind including blogging. Fortunately I have a supportive husband who has worked very hard to pick up on my failings, and remember my name, even though I am almost never home. I've learned a lot about how I deal with stress, and where my breaking points lie.

Since I've been self discovering all over the place, I thought I'd give you the heads up on a few things you should know about me, if you want to continue down that rabbit hole of crazysauce that is knowing me. So, Alice, here they are:

1: If you invite me to a group or individual event, and use the term WE, I will assume you also mean for me to invite Derek, unless you make it very clear that this is a girls night, work event, or closed function, at which point I will decide whether or not I want to go. My "WE" includes him. That will never change.

2: I will assume that if words come out of your mouth, you mean them, unless you have proven that you often say things that are not true. For example "Did you hear about the giant fire that actually hopped false creek from Kitsilano to the Downtown core?" will be met with horror and shock, unless last week you told me you missed writers group due to a grizzly bear mauling but your scars healed miraculously. You call this gullible, I call it trusting. Pot-ay-toh, Pot-ah-toh. It's who I am.

3. If I am aware that you are trying to manipulate me, I will do EVERYTHING IN MY POWER to avoid giving you what you want, and likely call you out on exactly what you're doing. People who are master manipulators are seldom called out on their talents. I have a secret-ninja-mission to expose them, if only to themselves. Manipulation is a slippery slope you don't even realize you're sliding down most of the time.

4. It takes me a long time to really trust someone, but once you've earned it - you're golden.

5. I rage. A lot. It just boils up inside and I can't hold it in. I can keep my poker face on just long enough to make it to a safe space, and then Mount St. Helen's spews out of my mouth, occasionally burning those standing closest. Those who know me well have learned to pull out their face shields in the nick of time and laugh as I vent my frustrations.

I think that's enough for today. Any of you who are still left hanging around, I commend you for being brave enough. Good luck.

The Ultimate Follow Friday List

2010-05-15T10:30:00.000-07:00

Friend, and fellow Twitter and Twizzler addict Jeanne Veillette Bowerman has created the ultimate list of writing and film types to expand your Twitter community. Check out her ultimate #FollowFriday list here, and feel the love!

http://jeanneveillettebowerman.blogspot.com/p/ff-list.html

Also, say hi to @JeanneVB on Twitter, and tell her she's pretty rad!

The Trotsky

2010-05-14T09:12:00.001-07:00

Go see this movie this weekend, OK? Go Canada!

Three Ring Big Top Status

2010-04-27T00:31:00.001-07:00

Hello, Dave.

It's been a helluva week. I've done things for a steak and an early end to a shift that I wouldn't recommend to the guy who packs the sausage into the synthetic casing. All on the level, of course. Today was my first official day off in too many, and you know what I learned? I've still got a LOT to do.

Derek and I are SO close to finally putting the feather in the cap of the second draft of our pilot. What this means? We have no idea. We have a couple places that it will be sent for constructive feedback (shredder? anyone?) and then... we the great unknown. We have a vague idea of the plan. I have another spec that I'm working on - mental writing FTW - and we are working on going on vacation.

It isn't going to stop here. Working (the day job) as much as I have been lately has opened several doors for us, one of them hopefully being the door to a plane and an all inclusive resort. It has also threatened to close a few windows. My blogging has been in complete decline. Oh stop it, I know you didn't even notice. My twittering is now coming in fits and starts. Don't believe me? Check out every Monday when I'm off and have Twitterhea, as compared to a Friday, when I'm busy balancing a full tray of hot water and lemon, and my sanity, on one arm.

Balance is a tough game to play, and I'm still learning the rules. It enters into every aspect of my life. Balance between sleeping and running. Balance between work, the other work, and play. Balance between spending and throwing my tips into the black hole of student debt. Balance between our friends and our alone time. I wonder if all of the tripping I've been doing lately is actually a physical manifestation of my mental state? Or maybe I should just lay off the roller coasters and tequila shots.

Six Rules for Dining Out on a Holiday

2010-04-02T10:01:00.000-07:00

I am heading out soon to work a double shift, on a statutory holiday. This is part of my quest to become a *Real* writer, indirectly at least. If writing and film making were not important to me, I suppose I would find a real job to pay the bills.

Anyway, since I am going to walk through the firey depths of holiday hell today, I thought I would provide a small list of rules for dining out on a statutory holiday. Most of these apply to every day dining, but they are of even more importance on a holiday when kitchens are busier, managers are frazzled, and a server makes half the amount of tips for double the work. I have been in the biz long enough that I have absolutely no hope of these being followed, but hey, I like a pointless exercise as much as the next person. So here we go.

SIX RULES FOR DINING OUT ON A HOLIDAY

1. DON'T.

(Now I KNOW you're not going to follow this one, but I will give my reasons and then move on.)

Everyone goes out on holidays. I know, all the cool kids are doing it, but for you it means that your food will be rushed, possibly cold, and definitely of lesser quality since the restaurant is likely over capacity. Its more likely that you will get a server who doesn't know what they are doing, since restaurants are always understaffed, and generally days off on holidays are given to servers with seniority (they are the ones with mad skills). There's more chance the restaurant will be overcrowded, over heated, and that they will run of the one item you came for. People go out on a holiday expecting something special. If by special you mean lukewarm food and sub-par service, you won't be disappointed.

2. Make a Reservation

This can be tricky since some places don't reserve tables on holidays, but please look for a place that does. Especially if you have a large group. Large constitutes anything six and over (sometimes five counts). If you haven't made a reservation, you can expect to wait. For a long time. Don't take your rage at not planning ahead out on the sixteen year old hostess who can barely walk in her three inch heels - she doesn't have the pull to fix your problem. Next time plan ahead. If you simply cannot wait, there is a Fatburger across the street.

3. Order off the Menu

There is NOTHING worse than serving a table who wants to custom build their entrees. We have a menu for a reason. They are dishes that have been practiced and perfected by the back of house staff, with ingredients that we ensure are of a certain quality. I'm not talking about a "No tomatos" modification here, I'm talking about the people who come in and ask for green eggs and ham (yes, true story), or request that we whip up some pancakes for them when we only serve french toast, and then proceed to get angry when we cannot meet their requests. Also, if you have more allergies than should be humanly possible, please call ahead to pre-arrange a dish that is suitable for your needs, instead of causing a back log with eight-thousand ingredient questions, while the chef racks his brain for something to serve you that is free of gluten, shellfish, peanuts, eggs, milk, nutmeg, and general flavour of any kind. We do have plenty of cardboard boxes, which are lovely with a little olive oil and balsamic vinegar.

4. Make a list

When you require something extra from your server, politely inquire as to who else at your table may need that item, or something else. Your server should also do this, and when they do - LISTEN! You are NEVER your server's only table, unless you are the first to arrive or the last to leave (which is a whole different story). When you ask for more cream and the server brings it, then Betty asks for more sweetener, when that arrives just as Uncle Oscar remembers he would enjoy a cranberry juice, which is brought when little Suzie wants extra ketchup, etc. etc., You have just used up seven minutes of your server's time. Seven minutes is like half an hour in server time. Have you ever sat at a table for seven minutes without being greeted? Yeah, YOU just caused that. If you don't make a list of your needs, you can expect to wait a while to receive your items while your server follows their list of other priorities.

5. Control your children.

Servers, as a rule, HATE serving kids. Their entrees cost less, they make a big mess, they're loud, and they disturb other guests nearby. I've served some wonderfully well behaved children who have been polite and caused no problems. This was back in the summer of '07 when the sky was blue and...you get my point. Well behaved children are almost an urban myth in a restaurant. There are a few things you can do to minimize the frustration. If your kids are young, be prepared with their order. Don't make your server stand there while you ask "Jason, what do you want?....Jason, mommy is asking you a question....Jason, grilled cheese or chicken fingers?...Jason, I'm going to count to three". I guarantee your server has thought of seventeen ways to kill themselves by now. Don't let your kids run around the restaurant. This is for their own safety. Servers walk FAST and carry HEAVY trays with HOT items. If you let little Emily run around willy nilly, you are almost guaranteeing a hot-coffee-to-the-face incident. None of us want that, despite the looks you may be receiving from other guests. If your child is misbehaving, take them outside. I understand the tactic of ignoring a tantrum, but you are asking everyone within a five table radius to attempt to ignore it as well. Take the child outside, or to the bathroom, and ignore the tantrum there. PLEASE.

And you knew it was coming....

6. Tip Generously

Servers may be getting paid time and a half today (depending on their location and their establishments rules) but even that adds up to a wage that barely rivals what you made your first year of McDonald's management. I've heard all the arguments against tipping. Restaurant owners should pay them more. They won't. They don't work that hard. They do. A monkey could do this job. A normal monkey, perhaps, but if he was restricted to your intellect, definitely not. Why should I have to pay more than my bill? Because, like it or not, tipping is a societal construct of the country in which you live (I'm speaking to YOU North American residents) and you've bought into that construct by continuing to patronize tipping-as-wage-supplement based establishments. If you can't get on board, don't go out. If you can't afford to tip 15-20% eat at a fast food joint, order in, or HEAVEN FORBID, cook at home. Be fair when factoring bad service into a tip. I know when I've screwed up and deserve a bad tip, and I accept my fate. Don't make me pay for the fact that you thought the music was too loud, or we didn't have lasagna on the menu - I can't control those things. I pay my rent based on my tips, and yes, I know I chose this job - but if I didn't, who would serve you prime rib and pour your wine and compliment your toupee?

Think about it. For Me.

Wishful Thinking

2010-03-21T15:05:00.000-07:00

Pretty sure I'd be a better writer if I spent a week or two under a palm tree. My budget is currently $5.49 and rising. Suggestions welcome.

Vanity NOT Fair, Only $5.95 per Slam

2010-03-13T22:06:00.000-08:00

I'm sure you're all sick of this topic, but this is MY blog and I'm going to rehash it if I feel so inclined. So peanut gallery, the comment section is all yours.

A while back, Vanity Fair wrote THIS article featuring several powerful and important women, all with an impressive Twitter and Social Media presence which Vanity Fair failed to fully recognize and understand. I wrote THIS letter to the editor in response, trying to form a valid viewpoint outlining some of their oversights in a format that the established media would understand, thinking I'd be lucky if it even got read by anyone other than the spam guard.

About a month later, Vanity Fair contacted me and asked for my permission to publish my letter. Ever the optimist, I immediately agreed. Who could resist the chance to see their name in LIGHTS *cough* print for the first time. In Vanity Fair, no less. Presenting an opposing viewpoint and getting showcased for it!

Boy, was I naive...but we will get to that.

Being the eager (giant inflatable) beaver that I am, I decided to take it a step further. I emailed Vanity Fair back and asked their permission to write a follow up piece about Social Media. While I was waiting for their response I began researching, getting in contact with some Social Media Moguls, who were all very accommodating, and began to make notes about what would clearly be my grand entry into the club of those with their own byline. Even if Vanity Fair didn't want it, I figured I could use the publication of the letter as leverage to get my follow up article published elsewhere - can you see the stars in my eyes getting brighter? Rose coloured glasses FTW!

Yesterday, the April issue of Vanity Fair came out. I was at the post office between shift one and shift two, running some errands on my break. Fridays are my longest days, so I was pleased to see the issue of Vanity Fair on news stands, something exciting to get me through an inevitably busy night. When they contacted me, VF was sure to inform me that my letter could be edited due to space, or cut altogether depending on the size of the rest of the ads *ahem* articles that were promised their due. In newbie writer speak this meant "It might not all be in there, but glory in some way shape or form is inevitable." To be clear, I was prepared for the fact that the whole "letters" section may be cut, which would be disappointing, but manageable.

THIS is what they printed.

Photo Link

Incase that link doesn't work, here's a transcript:

' "It is with stark disappointment that I compose this letter to address an issue on which you've no doubt already received a vast amount-" A hundred thirty-eight, A hundred thirty-nine, A hundred-forty- Sorry, that's all the room we have, Rachel Langer of Vancouver, British Columbia. Talk about burying the lead!'

So, yep. I guess they still don't think too highly of Twitter, me, or my letter. Instead of just not publishing it, they decided to make a joke of my attempt to communicate with them on their level, restricting me to the 140 characters entitled to a normal "tweet". Thanks Vanity Fair, you stay classy.

I would have been OK with not being published at all due to space, or even having my letter summarily dismissed upon its receipt. But the fact that they chose to make a snide joke, after misrepresenting their intentions and then not even explain the joke to their readers just makes it feel so personal. I guess its my turn to learn a little bit about "the biz". Its not personal, its just business...until you speak your mind.

My thoughts for a follow up article died, and I went back to work to serve people prime rib and double vodka waters. Fortunately I received a ton of twitter-love and support, as well as a very special cheesecake with a message about Vanity Fair that is not fit for print. And, of course, Derek was there through the whole thing, maintaining that it's pretty cool to be able to say that a National Magazine took a shot at me IN PRINT when really, they could have just completely ignored me. When I really think about it, he's right, but my ego still smarts a little bit.

**To be fair, they did post one dissenting viewpoint to their Tweetheart's article in the issue from a reader in Munich, Germany**

The Waiter Rant (Not mine this time!)

2010-03-11T17:21:00.000-08:00

So I write a blog...about writing.

I try to make it interesting, and honest, but there are times that I have absolutely nothing to say. More often than not, this is because I'm hiding from whatever draft I'm currently working on and to embarrassed to admit that to all y'all. There are other times that I want to wax poetic about the feel of the ocean air as I walk along the seawall, and other times I am ready to let loose about the customer who ordered a "side of Rachel" for dessert. To an extent, I have done this, but most of the time I am worried that I'm digressing from the topic I'm *supposed* to be writing about.

Today I got the chance to speak on the phone with Steve Dublanica , author of one of my favourite books The Waiter Rant, and operator of this popular blog. Steve, like myself, spent a long time waiting tables, whilst on a quest to figure out what he really wanted, and realize his gift as a writer. He succeeded, and is now working on his second book. I contacted Steve because I had a few questions about how serving had affected his writing, and how he dealt with his critics and fans, respectively. He was kind enough to spend some time encouraging me. With a wide range of life experience including time spent in seminary, working in a psychiatric hospital, and making the rounds as a waiter, Steve encouraged me not to discount a wider topical range on the blog, and, if the inspiration hits, to discuss my observations and experiences with the world and people around me.

I have a feeling that I will continue to struggle with the decisions I make about what I post, how often, and whether this is a niche blog about writing and the chance to break in, or whether its OK to talk about my shoes and how to make a meatloaf from scratch (yes, I DO know.) I guess that's OK, because it is the struggle that teaches me what I want the outcome to be. Either way, I was happy to leech off the experience and life lessons of someone I respect.

It was refreshing to hear some down to earth advice from someone who knows both sides of the fence and isn't afraid to write it all. For some reason, it doesn't matter how often I hear it, I am encouraged when someone tells me how their journey to literary success involved hard work and dedication, and was littered with difficult moments as well as rewarding ones.

Thanks for the encouragement, Steve!

Music

2010-03-10T12:28:00.000-08:00

I am buffing up my writing playlist. I have gotten some great suggestions via Facebook and Twitter so far. Please feel free to add to the list. Here is what I've received so far (don't be afraid to be song specific):

Basia Bulat
Kathleen Edwards
Woodhands
Hawksley Workman
The Weepies
Mimicking Birds
Duffy
Mumford and Sons
Rogue Wave
The Morning Benders
Dan Black
Jonsi
Jeff Buckley
The Great Lake Swimmers
Royksopp
A Fine Frenzy
Racheal Yamagata
Fleet Foxes
The Faunts
Passion Pit
One Eskimo
Emm Gryner
Justin Nozuka
Dahmnait Doyle
Alexi Murdoch
Soul Coughing
Future Sound of London's Lifeforms

That's a long list, but I need MORE! Music domination must be achieved. Also, we can avoid any artists with $ in their names. Thanks in advance!

How the Olympics Won Me Over

2010-03-01T16:05:00.000-08:00

Anyone who spent time with me in January was aware that I was not the biggest supporter of the Olympics coming to Vancouver. I did not support the city's decision to place the bid, and I was a vocal dissenter right up to the night of the ceremonies. Let's just be clear, I didn't don any masks or smash any windows mostly because I am not one for the active protesting, but I did my fair share of grumbling. I grumbled about the disruption to my transit schedules. I grumbled about the money that was being spent. I grumbled about the temporary solutions for the downtown east side. I grumbled about the lack of tipping prowess that would be sure to reign in at work. Yet despite all my grumbling, the games began. I missed the opening ceremonies because I was working. I missed the first few events because I was sick. I was adamant that I wouldn't be caught anywhere NEAR downtown Vancouver for two weeks.

Then, Jenn Heil won silver, and I watched her stand on the podium.

When I finally had a few days off (Valentine's weekend is a complete time suck for severs) Derek suggested we go downtown and take a look at the cauldron. I was skeptical but he convinced me that it would be wasteful to pass up the chance to experience Vancouver like we would never see it again. "How will it feel to tell people you didn't even go look?" was the sentiment. He was right, and I convinced myself that as a writer I couldn't pass up the chance to see it all. So we made a quick stop at Zellers to grab some "I Believe" mittens (I couldn't run the risk of being evicted from the downtown core for my lack of patriotism) and I ended up with a toque as well (couldn't have my ears getting cold as I was recovering from being under the weather). We hopped on the skytrain and got off at Waterfront. Immediately I realized the magnitude of this event, for good or for bad. We asked a volunteer in bright blue where we could find the cauldron and proceeded to walk.

Then, I saw the flame.

Something inside me that had been SO resistant to the whole idea of the Olympics lifted off my shoulders, and I was immediately caught up in it all. It is difficult to stay off the bandwagon when everyone who has hopped on is sharing free hot chocolate and warming each other under their giant Canada flags. I have always enjoyed watching the Olympics, but as soon as we reached the cauldron, I couldn't shake the fact that I was SO glad they had come to our city, and I was now standing in the middle of the West Coast's biggest party. Everything was different. Derek and I were crowded around a 2010 sign, trying to take pictures when a woman walked up and offered to take one for us. We handed her our expensive iPhones wihtout even the idea of mistrust entering our minds. She took our pictures, and we took hers. We reveled in the privilege of hosting the world with her. In those moments, I was reborn, like a Phoenix out of the ashes of the malfunctioning Olympic flame.

Then, hockey began.

My excitement was threefold. Not only was great hockey going on, but my team was being broadcast on a local channel AND they were the favourite to win! (Can you tell I'm an Oiler's fan in Real Life?) I served through several games, and watched all the others, but no matter where I was, I was involved. I could feel the weight of that gold medal, hanging in the balance. It was magic. I watched Tessa and Scott skate their medal winning skates! I watched Joannie Rochette triumph in honour of her mother. I watched both the men and the women sweep for Gold in hockey.

I walked the streets of Robson square, witnessed the protesters, the zipline, the line ups, the love, and through it all I was converted. I spent way more money than I should have on experiencing the city, and I barely wrote a word for three weeks, but I am not sorry. I've been called a band wagon jumper, a hypocrite, and a few other choice phrases, but I can say with confidence that I am SO glad the Olympics came to Vancouver and I'm even happier that I lived here to see it. I'm ready for my "I survived Vancouver 2010" badge now. I DO believe.

The Other Side of the Fence. Sweet Rejection.

2010-02-06T12:20:00.000-08:00

I know I've left everyone hanging regarding Crazy8's. That's why you should all follow me on Twitter. Alas, despite what felt like a great pitch we came to a halt in this year's Crazy journey. We pitched well, and had a fun and professional leave-behind, but I got the sense that there was less excitement over the subject matter of our story than we had hoped. I could be off base in that assumption, but I wasn't altogether surprised when the news filtered down that we hadn't made the cut.

The Happy:

It was a great opportunity to get out there and pitch, to prepare a package and sell ourselves as filmmakers, writers, and creators. All pitch experience is a HUGE benefit right now, as we continue working on our show and looking towards the future of our careers. It's great to put some names to faces in terms of the Vancouver scene. Meeting local producers, writers, and introducing ourselves is the backbone of a career in the biz.

The Not-So-Happy:

Being told "No" just plain sucks. No matter the reason, no matter the good things you had going for you, hearing that you weren't quite good enough is one of the most difficult things to stomach. It can be a serious motivation killer. I am a delicate lotus, and must become accustomed to the harsh winds of rejection. That's the biz.

I have decided, however, that we are too far gone in our love affair with this industry to lose momentum over something as small as a "No". We seriously improved over last year by making the first cut with our video pitch. We had way more confidence in our in person pitch than we did last year. We really upped the anti, and showed our dedication to learning an improving. The further away from it I get, the more perspective I have, and the less No-So-Happy there is. I'm sure "No" is a word I will hear many times in the future (this is not an invitation) so a little preparation is a good thing. The yesses will be that much sweeter. So no stopping, no stalling, we've "surfed the comedown" as a friend so eloquently put it, and we're riding a new wave now.

This is me telling you, I'm all in.

Still In the Game // Crazy 8's Update

2010-01-25T14:06:00.000-08:00

We woke up yesterday to a charming email that started with the word CONGRATULATIONS. To our surprise and delight we had not won the fortune of a third-world widow if we would only send our postage fee of $20.99 to an Amsterdam address, or a seven night stay in if only we would consent to a month of timeshare selling meetings. We had, however, earned ourselves a spot in the next round of pitches for Crazy8s. This means that we have five days to perfect our in-person pitch.

I am currently waiting for a phone call that will allow me to schedule our pitch time. Most of the pitches will take place on Friday, however, since we will both be at work we are banking on getting one of the limited Saturday spots, for people such as ourselves who are required to pay bills and other such nonsense.

This is great news! It means that our video pitch succeeded in placing us in the top 40% of those who pitched. By how much, we may never know. Now the sweating, agonizing, and nausea that accompanies public speaking and in-person pitching can commence. Whining and nerves aside, we are ecstatic to have made it to this point. We will keep you posted with further developments. Pleas for luck wishing, finger-crossing, praying to the moon-gods of Jupiter, et al are continuously requested. Thanks for the support!

Just Ask

2010-01-20T12:12:00.000-08:00

Since the dawn of time mankind has been...OK I'm kidding! Wait don't click away!

Many things have happened since our return from Christmas. Some exciting - sending in our pitch for Crazy 8s, getting a note of positive feedback on my half finished pilot. Some less exciting - waiting to hear back from Crazy 8s, still not completing my half finished pilot, putting an indecent amount of work into the day job. My mantra over these last couple weeks has been "It doesn't hurt to ask".

This may not be true in all situations. It probably would hurt to ask that Hell's Angel if you can take his girl to dinner. It would probably also hurt to ask your girlfriend/wife/friend with benefits if she's been doing some stress eating (yes) or the cop if you can try out his gun. I've heard handcuff aren't particularly comfortable, I wouldn't know anything about that! ;-). What I'm saying is that within reason, and in most situations, it doesn't hurt to ask.

I wouldn't be sitting where I'm sitting on this precarious and exciting ledge if I was afraid to ask for things. A query letter here, an offer to do some free work there. A quick email about pushing back a deadline, or a schedule change. I'm not a firm believer in "Ask and ye shall receive" (at least not strictly in a worldly sense) however I believe in "don't ask and ye shall never know". If the answer is NO, then it is NO and you can carry on. Wouldn't you rather know for sure?

The Waiting Game

2010-01-14T23:04:00.001-08:00

As I type, we are uploading our very first video pitch for a short film competition called Crazy 8's. We entered this competition last year and pitched in person, and though we didn't make it through we got some great experience pitching and connected with some great people. We feel confident that we've put together the best pitch we could with the time constraints involved (we returned home from the prairie-hood on January 2nd at 10:30PM and the pitch is due tomorrow - January 15th at 5:00PM.) We are now entering the waiting zone.

I know a lot of people who say "I stop worrying about it the minute it is out of my hands." I am NOT one of those people. So, rest assured my mind will be filled with my projected ideas of what the judges may or may not be thinking for the next ten days. I will also be thinking of things we could have, should have, would have added, had we only the time or inspiration to do so. Sometimes my family tosses around the phrase "hurry up and wait." I'm sure whoever coined that little treat meant well, but every time I hear it my eye twitches slightly. Patience and I are frenemies.

So if you're thinking of us over the next week, take a moment to cross some fingers, find a piece of wood to knock on (challenging if you're at Ikea, but fiberboard will do), say a prayer if that's your style, perhaps if Jesus, Buddha, Mohammed and a pagan god or two all band together they can instill some patience into me (highly unlikely). If we make it to the next round, you'll be sure to hear about it. If we don't, well, there are plenty more hurdles to jump and I'll sit on the sidelines and eat my chocolate cake and watch you point them out to me.

Vanity Fair "America's Tweethearts" - Oh Dear

2010-01-07T09:03:00.000-08:00

Yesterday, Vanity Fair published this article discussing the success of several female icons of the Twitterverse, including one of my personal role models Felicia Day. Unfortunately the light that the article portrayed these women in showed a distinct lack of understanding of the world in which us social media fiends live. Read the article HERE. What follows is my letter to the editor, sent this morning. I hope spellcheck didn't fail me on this one.

Dear Editor,

It is with stark disappointment that I compose this letter today, to address an issue on which you’ve no doubt already received a vast amount of feedback. I am writing to address to tone and assumptions made in the article “America’s Tweethearts”.

The women depicted in this article are successful, brilliant and extraordinarily dedicated. Their fastidious attention to their admirers, as well as their devotion to their careers has created a cohesive set of skills which has set them above so many who explore only traditional marketing and media outlets. The light in which they were presented in this article implies a severe lack of research and understanding of what it is these women truly do. It is also a wide misrepresentation of whom they are, as a collective, pawning off misspelled, uninteresting, text-like tweets onto them. This is not what these women do, nor whom they are.

These women are moguls. To those of us who have seen our stars rise beyond the throes of the old media regime, they are a beacon of hope, pointing out a new path to success, and not solely online. For anyone who desires to pen the words spoken by the Oscar nominated performer, or design the building that the runway show takes place in, these women offer an alternative method of marketing, which is quickly going to become the norm. They are a breath of fresh ocean air, ushering in the salty breeze of change from what has been to what will become, and for that we should commend them.

It is unfortunate that this article (incidentally written by a woman) tears down five driven, intelligent women, with such disregard for what it is they have achieved, and those who can open their minds enough to respect them. It is even more unfortunate that in the very same issue, five actresses are built up in a much more favourable light. This fact alone suggests an unforgivable lack of understanding into the world of social media, and the achievements of those who are brave enough to navigate a new territory.

It would be lovely to see an addendum published, showing further insight into the world that these women navigate, and a retraction to the mildly snarky tone that bleeds throughout this article. These women deserve our respect; it is likely that your readers will demand nothing less from the Vanity Fair establishment.

Thank you for your time and attention to this letter.

Yours very truly,
Rachel Langer

Follow Up on Spec'ing

2010-01-06T10:33:00.000-08:00

**Thanks to my friend Peter who posted an awesome response to my questions about spec'ing a series. With his permission, I'm going to re-post his response for anyone who may have similar interests or questions.**

From Typing Faster:

Rachel, a friend of mine, has a post up asking some good questions about writing a spec episode of an existing series. I started to post some answers in the comments section, but it was getting long and unwieldly, so I figured I’d move it all over here and expand on them a bit.

All suggestions are rules of thumb. There are always exceptions. Your mileage may vary.

So, without further ado, here we go!

1. How old is too old? I realize the show needs to be on the air, but is there a limit to what season it should be in? If its running into a fifth or sixth is it nearing an expiry date?

The sad fact is that specs have a shelf life. Once a show goes off the air, specs of that show are essentially dead. Showbiz doesn’t like to look back at the past, it’s always looking for the “next big thing.”

Spec’ing a show that’s coming towards the end of its run has some drawbacks.

* The older a show, the more specs of it floating around.
* The older a show, the less new and shiny it looks. The less buzz it has.
* The older a show, the more likely it is to end its run, go off the air, and be useless as a spec.

So, basically it comes down to two rules of thumb:

* Don’t spec a show in its first year. A pickup is never guaranteed, and the show is still finding itself.
* Don’t spec a show that’s more than four or five seasons old. Five seasons is the magical syndication number, few shows go past it.

Whatever’s leftover in the middle is the sweetspot.

2. How do you avoid bad buzz? Every source I’ve pestered for answers so far has used the word “buzz” in relation to a successful spec. “The show you choose needs to have the right kind of buzz.” The problem is that the geek world in which I so lovingly exist buzzes about a lot of things that the mainstream world doesn’t. How can I be sure I’m following the correct stream?

The only buzz you need to worry about is the industry buzz, drawing a slight distinction between writer buzz and business buzz, everything else is just useless noise. That holds especially true for internet fanboys (and girls). Don’t listen to these folks, they’re perspective is so biased as to be useless.

Writer buzz is basically whatever shows writers are talking about with other writers. Mad Men probably the quintessential example of a show like this right now.

Industry buzz is similar, but you expand it to include shows that are tearing up the ratings as well. Using this metric you’d add shows like NCIS to the list.

Best way to figure out what show’s have good buzz is to start reading the industry rags. Spend some time looking at the TV coverage on The Hollywood Reporter, Variety, some of the good television critics, or websites like TV By The Numbers.

3. Where should my story fall? Is it imperative that my spec fall chronologically in time with the show’s most recent episodes? Are there any downsides to writing an episode that fits into, say, the second season instead of the fourth? How do you choose the acceptable time to insert your spec?

Serialized shows are a pain in the ass for a variety of reasons. They’re tough to spec, because you have to fit the story into the existing chronology of the show. They go out of date a lot quicker than a straight procedural does, because the show’s evolving season to season. If you spec a serialized show those are the challenges you’re going to be going up against.

Now, relating it back to your specific question: Where should my story fall? Make it as current as possible. If you set it earlier in the show’s chronology you’re just dating yourself and your script. People will assume you haven’t been keeping up with the show. Also if the show’s changed dramatically between seasons your spec won’t be current.

4. How much leeway do I have? I’ve been told that creating a new character is a no-go unless they are restricted to the one episode. How much leeway do I have with other creative devices? Ex: Using a narrative VO when the show doesn’t usually have one?

DO NOT CHANGE THE SHOW. I can’t stress that enough. If the show doesn’t use voice over, then don’t use voice over. If the show doesn’t feature a character, then don’t introduce that character (obvious exceptions would be a murder suspect in a procedural).

The point of a spec is to show that you can write the show as it is, not your own version of said show. The more you change it, the further away you get from that goal.

Writing a spec around a guest star is probably the most common example of this mistake. Usually a writer does it because the guest character’s a lot of fun to write. The problem is that the character often winds up taking over the entire script, regular characters disappear, and you wind up with a spec that looks nothing like the show you’re trying to spec.

In other words, you have no lee way.

5. How important is genre? Drama is my passion, and therefore I am choosing to spec a dramatic series. Is it arrogant to also write a comedy spec as a fallback? Some forums say choose a lane, others say try everything. Am I shooting myself in the foot by appearing undecided with a mix of genres?

I think this really depends on what you’re trying to do, and what your immediate goals are.

If you’re trying to land an agent, then having a drama and a comedy spec would be an asset. It means that you can write both genres, shows your versatility, and thus there are that many more jobs they can put you up for.

If you’re trying to land a writing gig right out the gate, then showing a lack of focus might be detrimental. Say you’re up for a drama, they read your first drama spec and want to read something else. Unfortunately you only have a comedy to send. It’s may not be a deal breaker, but it’s probably not the greatest thing.

Personally I usually recommend a focused approach when choosing what to spec. If your primary goal is to be a one hour writer, but you want to show off your comedic chops, then I’d write a one hour drama with a lot of comedic elements (Chuck, Bones, etc). But the answer to this one is really kind of up to the individual.

Anyways, hope those answers help!

Five Questions About Spec'ing a Series

2010-01-05T09:02:00.000-08:00

It's a Tuesday morning, I have my coffee and exactly 17 minutes and I'm going to milk you for answers. Here are five questions I have while preparing to write a spec (or two?) of an existing television show:

1. How old is too old? I realize the show needs to be on the air, but is there a limit to what season it should be in? If its running into a fifth or sixth is it nearing an expiry date?

2. How do you avoid bad buzz? Every source I've pestered for answers so far has used the word "buzz" in relation to a successful spec. "The show you choose needs to have the right kind of buzz." The problem is that the geek world in which I so lovingly exist buzzes about a lot of things that the mainstream world doesn't. How can I be sure I'm following the correct stream?

3. Where should my story fall? Is it imperative that my spec fall chronologically in time with the show's most recent episodes? Are there any downsides to writing an episode that fits into, say, the second season instead of the fourth? How do you choose the acceptable time to insert your spec?

4. How much leeway do I have? I've been told that creating a new character is a no-go unless they are restricted to the one episode. How much leeway do I have with other creative devices? Ex: Using a narrative VO when the show doesn't usually have one?

AND FINALLY

5. How important is genre? Drama is my passion, and therefore I am choosing to spec a dramatic series. Is it arrogant to also write a comedy spec as a fallback? Some forums say choose a lane, others say try everything. Am I shooting myself in the foot by appearing undecided with a mix of genres?

So help a newbie out. Dish out the dirt. Everything you know about writing a spec of an existing show. I'll bake you cookies!

Haiku Movie Review Squared

2009-12-28T10:10:00.000-08:00

It's been awhile. We can get into that later. In the meantime, here are two Haiku Movie Reviews to keep you occupied.

AVATAR

Old tales new faces
Stunning visual appeal
Story takes back seat

SHERLOCK HOLMES

Sharp wit spurs action
The original bromance
Guy adapts with flair

Sell Me Out!

2009-12-07T14:32:00.000-08:00

More on selling scripts and selling out...

I've been thinking further on this topic ever since we got to discussing this at Scriptchat and I posted THIS. Since then I have been working double time trying to kick things into high gear. I currently have four projects on the go. None of them are paying. All of them could lead to something paying in the future. I currently work five days a week at the bill paying job.

At this point, when lunch consists of rice-maker rice with mushroom soup poured on top, and I have to drink six cups of coffee to stay awake through a family or friendly outing (not bored, just tired) I would put myself whole-heartedly in the SELL OUT IF NECESSARY category. If I write it with a slender blue eyed blonde haired girl and you tell me it will sell with a purple giraffe, then give me the lavender crayon and I will tear through that sucker!

I'm losing my mind a little bit, and I'm giving into it whole-heartedly because that's what it takes to pay my bills and start a career (hopefully) as a writer. I realize that dues must be paid, but it will be a huge help when something pays off. Anything. I also feel that the majority of what I've written is not made up of personal stories that I want to tell. More so of subject matter that I find interesting and am interested in exploring further. So far, most of the suggestions for change that I've received have been positive and have made my stories not only more sale-able, but more interesting.

If I survive December and meet all my deadlines, perhaps the Bling-Bling will be my reward. Perhaps not. Hopefully my willingness to compromise will yield. Perhaps we will see what happens when someone tries to ask for more than I'm willing to give. Who knows? The beautiful thing is that its all up in the air, and there is nothing but possibility ahead. The awful thing is that its all up in the air, and there is NOTHING but possibility ahead. But here I am rambling while there are dues to be paid.

Less Talk More Rock!

2009-11-26T11:41:00.000-08:00

I was just mentally composing a post on what is challenging me today, but I think it will serve my purposes better if I just shut up and get to it. Less yap more write. That OK with all y'all?

Don't worry, more speculation posts to come in the near future.

PS: Happy Thanksgiving America! (Canada, zip it, you had your turn!)

Pot Stirrer

2009-11-20T01:03:00.000-08:00

Today I want to stir the pot, but I know I'll regret it tomorrow. I have an overwhelming desire to blurt out loud all of the things I've been saving up. All the remarks I am not allowed to say, the cutting comebacks I bite back, the hypocritical judgments that would reflect so poorly on my character. I can just see the pot, sitting there, looking all clean and reserved and my hand reaches out for the spoon. There is so much I could unleash lately, but I hold back. Its a self-preservation thing.

The problem with stirring the pot is that the payoff is seldom worth the long term consequences. There may be a momentary release, but the guilt and isolation brought on by letting your guard down lasts a lot longer than the high.

I'm hoping to lend this pot stirring fixation to my writing. It is far more rewarding to deal with the consequences when my characters are the ones stirring the pots. Perhaps I can live vicariously through their biting remarks, and lack of vocal filters. If they have a lapse in judgment, I can play both sides of the coin. I can push buttons I would never dare approach in real life. I can finally release the pent up rage, and then turn it around and respond with the righteous indignation one is entitled to, when verbally attacked. I think it could be fun.

Breathe sigh of relief. Chalk this one up in the writing-as-therapy category.

Nerd Alert!

2009-11-16T23:28:00.000-08:00

You know what comes out tomorrow? The new Star Trek movie. On BluRay. Shiny steel encased three disc'd BluRay. Oh yeah. Obviously this will result in further failFAIL situations (thank you all for the encouraging words, by the way) however, I did manage to bang out some goals today, so perhaps a little more failFAIL isn't the worst thing.

failFAIL

2009-11-15T22:58:00.000-08:00

I've failed the NaBloPoMo. I've failed my personal writing goals for the week. I've failed at my attempt to avoid fast food. Good thing I've change my motto to "failure IS a option, actually".

Tomorrow is a new week, but I'm sick of the phrase "back on track". What crazy track is this anyway? I have no idea where its going, and most of the time I don't even know where its been. Tonight I just have to be content with my failure, and allow myself to come to terms with my limitations. Once we're on a first name basis, I can smash them to pieces and show them who's boss.

The WGC Speaks Truth

2009-11-13T16:42:00.000-08:00

Let's get the real info out there!

Projects Vortex

2009-11-12T23:07:00.000-08:00

I have three writing projects currently swirling in the project vortex. I am prepping to add a fourth. I like having many plates in the air, however, I'm finding it difficult to prioritize. Each project has a very specific goal, and will facilitate a unique result. I've managed to bet on the lead horse, but the rest of the contenders are all locked in a dead heat for second, and the runner up remains unclear.

How many projects are healthy to take on at once? A more confident person than I may compare it to having a main and an alt. If you understood that somewhat vague reference then its likely we are kindred spirits.

It is my experience that one project usually takes an early lead, but should I stonewall the others until the first is polished? Is it OK to bounce to the second when my head hits a stonewall of its own while working on the first? Do multiple projects mean I'm stretching myself too thin and not giving my all to one script? Are these long-winded questions tempting you to navigate away yet? I'm done. Promise.

November 11th

2009-11-11T09:24:00.000-08:00

I was not there, the day you landed on that beach, slogged through that mud, sat shivering in that trench. The day you offered what little you had left for the promise of what I could be in the future. It would be a long time before I would be here, and even longer before I could fully appreciate what you gave, so I could be.

I wear my poppy proudly, knowing that you offered everything you had. Knowing that a wife like me sat at home with with your picture in her hand dreading that knock on the door. Knowing that a woman, like me, shed countless tears into bloody hands as she tried to nurse so many of you back to your former selves. Knowing that a man, like you drew his last breath for the life I live today.

I wish it was easier, to see the promise you fought for. To cut through the mess and dive into the hope that you brought for us. I wish we had done you more justice. I wish your sacrifice was the last. Maybe someday, somewhere, someone like you will be the last. For what you gave, I honour you, thank you, and assure you that I have not forgotten.

Writing Rituals

2009-11-09T13:37:00.000-08:00

Two days of missed Blogging. The people at NaBloPoMo are plotting my punishment. I have a passel of excuses, but I'm not going to use them. Why? Because I am not a passive protagonist (unlike some of my characters).

I'm commencing my writing ritual, it goes something like this. Turn off the TV. Wander around the house tidying. Make myself something to eat. Drag my laptop to my "real" workspace. Pick the perfect writing soundtrack. Open whatever document I saved most recently. Stare. Stare. Stare. Make myself some coffee or tea. Stare. Stare. Sip. Stare. Tweet three things. Check my blog stats. Look at my watch, realize I have forty minutes before X happens. Uncross eyes and bang out what is sure to be pure awesomeness or absolute tripe. Move on to plan X. Lather, rinse, repeat.

Someday I will have what it takes to sit down and do what I need to do without all the pre-curser, but today it is what it is.

"Lions make you brave, giants give you faith, death is a charade, you don't have to feel safe to feel unafraid." -LIGHTS

Poetry Tag

2009-11-06T23:44:00.000-08:00

I have fourteen minutes left in today. It has been a challenging week, but I will spare you the details.

Tomorrow I'm going to see LIGHTS, thanks to some incredible friends of ours. First I must survive the brunch crowd. Wish me luck.

No Pants Island left you with a Limerick. I will leave you with my specialty, a Haiku (minus the movie review):

Bitter winds unite
Changing minds and directions
Whisper in my ear

Rule of Two?

2009-11-05T21:16:00.000-08:00

Tonight it is, because I have only two things to say. A statement and a question:

1. The shower curtain scene, though overused, terrifies me every single time. I know "it" is never behind there, but I have to cover my eyes every time. I am going to successfully use a shower curtain scene someday, and "it" WILL be behind there.

2. When writing a spec of an existing series, how important is it that the series is currently on the air? What is the grace period for how long a show can be out of production before your spec is no longer acceptable?

I'll Write THAT For A Dollar!

2009-11-04T18:29:00.000-08:00

After a day like today, I'm pretty sure I would write alternative definitions for Riboflavin if it would pay me. Call me a sell out, but anything, and I do mean ANYTHING is better than today. Let's talk about the social construction that is tipping. Actually, lets not talk about it, just read this (comments, particularly). Now, I know people out there are feeling all recessed, but may I just interject by saying that there are many no-tip-required establishments out there, available on virtually every street corner for your recession friendly needs. Also, when you order a bottle of wine, pricey entrees and a double cappucino post dessert, you've lost your right to play the recession card. Now before I carry on whining, let me be very clear about something;

I know when I deserve a bad tip.

I know when the service is slow, when I make a mistake, when I accidentally say something stupid... (One of my worst involves this greeting: "Hi there, my name is Rachel, can I get you off?" *Panic stricken stop, dodge glare from scary girlfriend* "Ummm....started off, STARTED off with something?" *Run, Run, RUN!*) When I make these mistakes, I fully expect a bad tip. When I mess up your order, I have the Terminator-esque computer vision that tells me at what rate my tip is decreasing, and that's OK. Even when its not my fault, when the kitchen runs long, or the hostess doesn't give you the giant booth you want, I'm not surprised that my tip is affected. But do me this one courtesy, please general public I beg you; DON'T tell me everything was wonderful, that the service was lovely, ask me to get involved in your conversation/photo experience/personal life, or hit on me, and then make me pay to serve your table. You don't stop on the street for a dime anymore - so if you're thinking 2% is enough to pay my rent, you'd be wrong.

I have to give a percentage of my loot to the kitchen and the bar regardless of whether you're clutching the purse strings or not. I am attempting to make a living based on a teetering piece of social construction, and that is my choice. But you choose not to live in England where they don't tip, and that is your choice. I know you wish the restaurant would pay me a wage that would cancel the need to tip, but I also know you wouldn't appreciate the dramatic increase in your food costs. If you dine out in North America, it is safe to assume that your server makes minimum wage, even less in some regions. We've built a tradition of tipping. I can't force you to buy into that. If you want to walk out paying the price of your bill and not a penny more, I really have no leg to stand on, and I can tell you I've never questioned a customer regarding a tip. I can, however, remind you that there is more behind the smile that I am working hard to maintain then a lack of dental benefits.

Ok, angry rant has gone on long enough. I also feel the urge to qualify every time I freak out. I am lucky to work at a place that values their employees, providing excellent training. I am not required to dress like I'm working the street corner. I have a management team that supports their staff and helps to manage complaints in a great way. The above is not in any way a reflection on my employers, it is simply a product of several bad days, and the lack of power to educate the offenders in the moment.

That being said, bring on the selling out! I'll write it with a dog, I'll write it with a cockroach for all I care, just show me the MONEY!

...and scene.

Villainy is Afoot

2009-11-03T08:31:00.000-08:00

I'm loving the chatter after yesterday's post. I'm slightly loathe to post something new today, but I promised the NaBloPoMo people so I will forge ahead.

Yesterday after reading John August's post "Every Villain is a Hero" I began to think about the type of villain that I respond to. As I work to craft my characters, I want to be sure my antagonist is multi-faceted. I want to move past one dimensional and create a villain that the audience could almost rally behind, if they weren't so distracted by who they're supposed to support.

Benjamin Linus of LOST is still one of my favourite complex villains. Perhaps its because I can hold out hope for his redemption, since i don't fully understand his motives. Perhaps I just like having someone to hate on loudly while shaking my fist at the flat screen (why my husband still loves me also remains a mystery). One thing I know about Ben, he wholeheartedly believes in every single thing he does. The why may evade us, but we can harbor no doubt regarding his convictions.

Favourite complex villains?

Selling Scripts and Selling Out

2009-11-02T13:19:00.000-08:00

Last night during script chat we had a lot of discussion surrounding the issue of selling vs. selling out when it comes to screenwriting. There are three different schools for writers, as far as I can tell:

1. Writers who want to sell their scripts, whatever the cost, and will collaborate to all extents. They want to earn their bread and butter by any means necessary.

2. Writers who want to sell their work, but do not want to sell-out, meaning that telling their story is still very important. They are looking for a compromise, they still want to eat, but aren't willing to sacrifice their story for a Porter-House steak.

3. Writers who don't care about selling and just want to tell their story. They aren't looking for the cash, and will work a day job for the rest of their lives if need be, in order to tell a story their way. The trick here is getting people to listen.

I can't say what category I fall into. I guess it really depends on the day and how good my tips have been at the restaurant. At this point I work a day job because I don't have a choice, a girl's gotta eat. If I were given the opportunity to exclusively write to pay our bills, I think I'd jump at the chance to do so, even if it was based one someone else pulling the strings; however, just like the H1N1 vaccine, I'd be concerned about the long term effects.

The way I see it, a lack of creative control in the long run would either spur me to write my own projects on the side, or turn me into a jaded bitter writer, hitting the keyboard for the man. I'm not sure the lines are as clear as I've defined them above. As was mentioned on last night "Film is a collaborative medium... bend over."

Thoughts?

Off To A Bad Start

2009-11-02T00:23:00.001-08:00

I'm 23 minutes late for my first NaBloPoMo deadline(I don't make up the names friend, I just follow the herd). Seeing as I didn't realize this was going on until I took a trek to No Pants Island, I figure they'll have to forgive me. Consider this my post for November 1st.

Haiku Movie Review for "Law Abiding Citizen"

Jumps in with a bang
Entertains a hungry crowd
Big punch, small payoff

That will have to suffice. If you get bored, migrate here.

Post Scriptchat Chat.

2009-10-27T09:09:00.000-07:00

I'm sitting here, post #scriptchat thinking about my career as a writer, getting ready for my job as a waitress. After the unique and exciting experience that was #scriptchat, I feel better and worse. Better because I was always told that writers were a competitive community who weren't in the game to help each other out. That's clearly not true of all writers, as I've seen time and time again since joining Twitter. Worse because I know what I'm up against. There are SO MANY other talented writers out there. Who am I to think I have an equal talent level to these folks? I'm still a total beginner. And while I am one of the few who still believes in beginners luck, I can't help feeling that I'm going to be holding my breath for a long time (or sneaking in an oxygen tank when no one else is looking)

Also, things like THIS don't make me feel any better (Since, clearly the internet is there to make me feel better about myself). I'm not saying he's wrong, in fact its probably in your best interest to live in the right geographic in order to work your career, though I know of more than a few exceptions. But I don't want to move to Toronto. I just don't. Nothing against the city, but its not in the cards for us right now. So I'm holding on to the hope that I can be the exception. (Peter is a smart guy and a great writer, so his words are harder to pass of than random e-chatter)

I've never been a quitter, though sometimes my follow-through is weak. This is one area where I'm not willing to give up. I will continue to be hopeful, and push myself, exorcising all career avenues available to me. Hope is hope, even if its a fool's hope.

A link to something that made me happy.

2009-10-23T17:25:00.000-07:00

I don't have anything to say right now, but you definitely need to read THIS.

Masterful Settings

2009-10-20T00:37:00.000-07:00

It is a chilly night in October. I'm sitting in my favorite chair, avoiding the sleep I need to function because I want to be awake (and I had two Pumpkin Spice Lattes - whoops?). Tonight I'm contemplating what makes a setting spectacular. My favourite novels have a sense of ambiance to them that I cannot deny. This ambiance, this flawless combination of physical space, mood, and atmosphere is magical. It can transfer from novel to script, and script to screen - with the right set designer/art director combo, of course.

There are several masters of setting that have me grovelling at the toes of their artistry. I don't have the energy to discuss in detail, but I'd love for you to add to this list.

1. Charlotte Bronte (can't figure out the funky "e" on this Mac) for "Jane Eyre". That story has a desolate quality that I can't shake. Its in my bones every time I sit down with the book. Bronte drills the hopelessness into you with every detail, right down to the greyness in the setting. It is masterful.

2. Edgar Allen Poe. My favourites are "The Black Cat", "The Cask of Amontillado" and ultimately "The Raven". The very words he uses ingrain the scratching of leafless tree branches into my core. I can feel the chilly wind. I can hear the oppressive fog. Its incredible.

3. Sofia Coppola. "Lost in Translation" was one of the best "set" films for me personally. Something about the isolation and alienness (is that a word?) that Charlotte experienced throughout the film, and the contrast between unfamiliar beauty and unfamiliar ugliness that came across was spectacular. It spoke to me. This is a film you love or hate, in my experience. I fall on cupid's side.

Three is the magic number for tonight. Please, add to my list. A novel, story or film where the setting blew you away.

Saving Dollhouse

2009-10-06T08:56:00.001-07:00

**I'm going to be a jerk here. If you don't feel like a giant dose of jackass today, do not read on.**

I adore Joss Whedon's Dollhouse. I've said it before, and it isn't going to change. I think to show appeals to people who desire a certain wit from their drama, that seems to have been lacking, of late. I love the premise. The characters appear easy to understand but continually impress me with their depth and complexity. The mystery of the show is unraveling beautifully, engaging me more with each episode.

That being said, I'm really tired of trying to save Dollhouse. Since its very conception, it seems that Dollhouse was created to be canceled. Anyone who loves King Whedon's work knows that his journey through the throes of the FOX network have been tumultuous at best. Every internet forum this side of Malaysia insists that Firefly was canceled way before its time. This well known FOX faux-pas doesn't seem turn the tides for Dollhouse. I was surprised (pleasantly, of course) that FOX renewed Dollhouse for a second season. I thought that perhaps all the petitioning, emails, tweets and - dare I say - threats, may have done some good (lets face it, we none of us could truly threaten the almighty FOX.) Now, I'm not sure why FOX bothered to renew the series in the first place. We're two episodes in, and the only thing I've heard is how Dollhouse's head is on the sweep chopping block once again. Tweets are flying around, trying to garner attention, interviews are everywhere, and there is an ominous tingle every time I tune in that it will be the last. Granted I don't fully understand sweeps, or how the network gets its stats, but it seems like they've renewed the series to shut us up, only to take it away and blame it on the ratings. Then when they do cancel it, they can play the big hero who gave it a second chance, and we are the villains who didn't tell enough of our friends to tune in, or put the correct twibbon on our Twitter Avatar (I tried, I don't know why my twibbon is gone). Really, FOX? Maybe don't put the show on a Friday night when your target demographic is either working, or squeezing in an over-priced dinner out with their geek-with-benefits buddy.

I guess all I'm saying is either give the show a chance, or don't. Don't make me beg for the TV I want to watch. FOX already knows the 'verse's position on Dollhouse. I think they also know that if they're willing to give it a chance, and let it ride, it will succeed on a marginal scale. However, I think the biggest problem is that it doesn't satisfy the almighty dollar hunger that infects every decision they make. I get it, networks are in it for the cash and they have to be, but if that's the case then why did they even air the show in the first place? I'm done begging, FOX. The ball is in your court. Too bad I know what that means. Don't fool yourself though, I will not be tuning into "More to Love" to console myself.

Ok, jerkness over. For now.

Tone, Forums, and of course, Fear.

2009-09-30T22:30:00.000-07:00

Today I went to one of the VIFF Forums on Drama writing for television. The panelists included Laurie Finstad-Knizhnik of "Durham County", Molly Newman of "Brothers & Sisters" and Dahvi Waller of "Mad Men". I made it out of the day job in Burnaby at 1:17 PM (thanks to my fabulous co-workers, who took on a bunch of my work) and was paying for my pass into the session in downtown Vancouver at 1:42 PM with 3 minutes to spare. Also, thanks to my buddy Erin (@nopantsisland on Twitter), we had great seats!

What I took away form the forum is still a little jumbled in my head, as I try to sort it out, I will talk about the difference between television writing in the US, and television writing in Canada. From what I understand, in the US you get on as a writer's assistant, after getting coffee, copying outlines, and researching you may or may not be one of the lucky few to get a staff writing position on a show. From there, if you keep your head down and your ideas sharp, you may move on in your career and get to the point of actually writing an episode or seven. Once you ascend to another dimension, you may achieve Jane Espenson status (@CapricaSeven on twitter) though this is unlikely for most.

In Canada, you have an idea. If you know the right people in the right market, you may get some cash to develop that idea. If you have a great agent, you write a pilot for that idea, and someone makes it (I'm still unclear on the *someone* bit). Then, after you've tread the deep end for longer than you thought humanly possible, and your pilot gets picked up, they may (likely will) bring in a veteran to help you, and you become one of the coveted story-breaking, outline-creating, writers room attendees. Though from what I understand, you can be booted from this process at any moment, depending on the nature of your contract.

These overviews are pieced together from the bits I've been gathering by asking cheeky questions, appealing to more experienced friends, and researching what I can on my own. It seems to me both systems have their good points, and both have gaping flaws. The US system definitely puts the emphasis on mentoring young writers, and honing their skills into people who can eventually stand on their scribe-stilts. This system does not leave much open for the inexperienced writer with the big concept. If you want it, you have to earn it, pay your dues, and work your ass off for it. The Canadian system, however, leaves the door open for new ideas, even from inexperienced writers. You get a few names, you can most likely pitch to someone, even if they shoot you down. The problem is that once you experience a morsel of success, the stress and loneliness that follows from the solitary nature of that success can threaten to envelop you. I'm not sure which system is better, or if there is a clear winner, but I do know that they both scare the living crap out of me.

Is that normal?

Perhaps its because I haven't actually pitched anything besides a short film. Perhaps its because every time something doesn't come easily to me I question my skills. Perhaps I just need some chocolate. If I ever make a dent in either system, I will edit this post with an opinion. For now, I'm going to bask in the knowledge of the late, great Blake Snyder and read "Save The Cat". At least its something I can take to the bank.

OK I didn't mention Tone once. I got tired, and this was already too long.

Lessons from the Seven Day Rental Section

2009-09-29T20:11:00.000-07:00

I was going to wait until we had finished six movies to write this post, but a barrage of gaming and project writing has taken over our waking consciousness at the Langer house, and I figured I'd better write while I still remember the four movies I want to write about. A while back, I asked Derek to go to the video store and rent a movie, without consulting me. I have a love-hate relationship with the video store. I adore the accessibility of new media, and the wonderful and less than wonderful movies I have watched, but I hate choosing. I hate walking around the store without the faintest clue of what I'm in the mood for, then trying to match that to the vague idea that Derek may have about what he's in the mood for. If I could get back all of the hours I've spent walking around the video store, I'd have written the Great Canadian Novel by now. But this isn't a movie store rant. When Derek home with six movies, I was pleasantly surprised. They were all movies that it would be unforgivable never to watch, from the seven day rental section. I decided to take mental notes on some of Hollywood's MVPs in cinema and see what lessons I could take away as a writer. I'm assuming I'm the last person on earth to see these films, so if I'm wrong and you are the last, do not read on, as spoilers will ensue.

Chinatown (Let's put our distaste for Roman Polanski's personal fails aside for a moment while we revel in the genius of this film.)

Immediately after seeing this film, I placed it in my top ten. I had heard many things about Chinatown, but nobody mentioned that I would fall head over heels for Jack Nicholson. That aside, Chinatown taught me some very valuable lessons. First, you can expand on the typical set up, and take it a step further than is necessary which will surprise a smart viewer. While watching Chinatown, I was convinced that Faye Dunnaway's character was the villain, especially after Jack slept with her. It was a classic set up. Boy meets girl, falls for girl, sleeps with girl, is betrayed by girl. What I was pleasantly surprised to see is that she was and wasn't connected with the underhanded goings on that Jack was investigating. Though she was keeping her sordid past from Jack, she wasn't the bad guy. This challenged my unsophisticated palate, and showed me that I've gotten too comfortable with the easy set ups and quick fixes of the current age. I'm also a big fan of a real ending, not a gift wrapped happy heart warmer, though sometimes my emotions play tricks on me and tell me that I'm upset by a less than happy ending instead of impressed by it.

One Flew Over The Cuckoo's Nest

Only served to solidify my new love for a less wrinkly Jack. This is a masterpiece. Not only was a pleasantly surprised to see Louise Fletcher AKA Kai Wynn (yes, I'm a Star Trek geek) as Nurse Ratched, a meaningful role, but I loved the dynamic between Ratched and Nicholson's character. I love the ethical shift that takes place when we automatically side with the criminal and despise those who oppose him, whereas if this were a story on the nightly news, we would undoubtedly bestow our allegiance on Nurse Ratched. The acting in this movie is brilliant. There was a scene where the camera stayed on Nicholson for upwards of forty seconds, and I couldn't look away. It makes me wonder how much of that dynamic comes from the actual script, and how much it is due to great directing, acting, and editing. I have not read the novel, but I heartily believe that the weightiness of the original work transferred to the screenplay, and in turn filtered into every part of the project.

Bulworth

OK, this was an unexpected win for me. Generally political comedy isn't my bag unless its in the form of a 3-8 minute SNL short. Part of this is due to my lack of knowledge regarding the finer points of the American political system, and the other part is due to me being a drama & sci-fi snob. Not to say I don't enjoy a good comedy, but I really pick and choose. Bulworth, however, taught me that comedy can be bold and dark, even when you're expecting it to be wussy and campy. I was surprised by the level of ridiculousness that showed up in the film, and even more surprised that it worked. When the senator is busting out an ill-timed rap, dropping the f-bomb, and wearing a tuque (beanie for non-Canucks) but I still truely want him to succeed, something magical has happened. The thing about Bulworth is that I still haven't figured out how they won me over. In part it was due to a solid concept, and a genuine belief that someone in a similar situation could act out in such a way, but why the complete success? I am still at a loss.

The Firm

Epic. I was skeptical because of my love for A Few Good Men. It seemed to me that lightening couldn't strike twice for Tom Cruise in a lawyer movie. I was wrong. The Firm was fantastic because of the dramatic tension that permeated the whole movie. I loved that the writers were able to knock the average thriller time line out of the park, and I didn't get bored once. Something The Firm taught me, was how low you can sink a character before you redeem him. Sometimes threatening a lead with losing everything isn't enough. The character really needs to believe they have lost everything and still carry on their in quest, that is really when you, as a viewer, can begin to believe as well. The Firm still incorporated the typical thriller formula, but went above and beyond the bare minimum and expanded on the typical requirements to create a masterful, tense and exciting film.

So that is a window into what I've learned though some of these heavy hitters. It was refreshing to watch some films that weren't afraid to break some rules, and perhaps have written some new ones. The other two that we have yet to watch are Annie Hall, and Ed Wood. If we get to those before the video store has us arrested for our abuse of their "No Late Fees" policy, then I will write some more.

Creative Pain

2009-09-17T09:13:00.000-07:00

I've been thinking a lot lately about the link between art and pain. A lot of the artists, writers, musicians I know have experienced a great deal of personal pain in their lives. They are often able to use the fear, sadness, and anger in their work. Or perhaps it is the other way around and their work is an outlet - a way for them to deal with the pain. Either way, I am not a person who has experienced a great deal of loss or tragedy in my life (I feel as though I'm walking on eggshells, giving fate the finger as I write this. I am by no means inviting pain into my life). I was musing on whether this affects my ability to create on a relate-able level. I'm not immune to pain, obviously, and have experienced several moments of defined emotional agony in my twenty-six years, it just isn't a frequent circumstance (yet?).

One thing I do know, I feel the pain of others, deeply. I have a reputation for being fairly blunt. "Honest" is the euphemism I'm usually handed, followed by a quick "but that's a good thing!" to ease any embarrassment they may feel for outing such an obvious quality. Usually people seem to think that bluntness is coupled by a lack of sympathy, or empathy, given the situation. Though this may be true for some, for me this isn't the case. I feel so deeply for those in my life experiencing pain. I can see it in their eyes when they fake a smile, slip into a mask, and its all they can do to carry on. I see it in the eyes of strangers as they walk down the street in a daze, and I want to know their story, to make them better even just for a moment. Maybe being an artist simply means opening your mind to the sadness, or on the flip side the joy, that others around you are experiencing. People always say to write what you know, but I know people and that leaves the door of possibility wide open.

Is good art conditional on pain? Perhaps, but I don't think it needs to be your own.

How Miracle Laurie (@miraclelaurie) Changed My Life

2009-09-11T18:33:00.000-07:00

How Miracle Laurie changed my life.

As you may or may not know, I've been an avid fan of Joss Whedon's Dollhouse on FOX. Despite critic's impressions of the show, the Whedon crew has built up enough street cred to grant them my viewing fealty for the rest of my TV watching days, so Dollhouse will continue to be watched in my house.

This post, however, is about one actress, Miracle Laurie, who plays Mellie/November and newly Madeline on the series. Though Eliza Dushku is a stand-up lead, for some reason when Laurie is on screen, I cannot take my eyes off of her. She brings a refreshing vigor and openness to each character the writers toss her way. I also love that she doesn't fit the typical profile for today's actress (read: M. Fox) she doesn't have waist length extensions curled into Gossip Girl waves, you can't see her ribs through her skank tanks, and her eyes don't have that haunted Hollywood glaze, rather she uses them for her role. Laurie oozes sex appeal in Dollhouse, but in an a-typical girl next door kind of way. She complements both Eliza Dushku and Dichen Lachman, and lends a vulnerability to the callousness that sometimes accompanies a show where 'suspension of disbelief' is heavily required (not that I'm complaining, I live to suspend). Today on twitter Laurie posted a picture of herself driving her car home from the set. It was refreshing to see her behind the wheel of a sedan, like 99% of the people who watch Dollhouse, smiling and enjoying her Friday.

Miracle Laurie is my poster child for the theory that there is still hope for Hollywood. Perhaps that is too big of a mantle to place on one person, whom I've never met and really know nothing about, but this is where I've chosen to place my idealistic nature for the time being, and Miracle, I'm sorry but you must now bear the weight of my admiration.

OK, so perhaps not every aspect of my life is altered for all eternity, but anyone who can make a cynical leopard swap a couple spots merits a blog post, or twelve. Keep smiling Hollywood.

Happenings x4

2009-09-07T22:43:00.001-07:00

Several things have happened over the past eight days, resulting in a lack of posting. Soon enough I will write a bigger, better, juicier post.

1. I finished my first draft of my script (you already know this) and breathed a huge sigh of relief, which has lasted all week. This sigh of relief included me taking some time sit back, think about my projects, and evaluate. I've been re-reading the script, though not editing it quite yet, aside from some grammatical issues.

2. I had several evening engagements. I worked one evening, and had a friend come in from out of town another evening. We went here and listened to this guy. It was great.

3. I came up with what turned out to be the best short film idea I've had in a long time. Derek and I have been tossing around ideas and scripts to shoot this fall. Our goal is to have something shot by the end of the year. We had several possibilities, but no clear winner. One morning last week Derek sent me a message from his day job that said something to the effect of "Loglines: Go". The first one I sent I was sure would be met with something akin to pity, however, he loved it. It is going to be a fun project, so I've been researching and working on that as well.

4. We've been playing video games and watching movies. Lots of movies. Great movies that I cannot believe I've never seen, all from the Seven Day Favourite section of our local Roger's plus store. There were six rented in this little catchup marathon and four have been watched. Once we make it through the other two, I have a blog post planned on what can be learned from watching movies that aren't the new-hip-thang. On a side note we also watched the documentary Overnight, which I would highly recommend if you can handle the language.

More from this way soon enough. Buy me a pumpkin spice late and it may be sooner rather than later.

EPIC Day

2009-08-31T17:48:00.000-07:00

So, after all that, I have completed the first draft of my first ever FEATURE LENGTH SCRIPT! What was supposed to be a five-day-feature morphed into several months. It is full of typos, and plot flaws and missing scenes and lame dialogue, and I couldn't be happier! Completion was always the goal with this project, and though it is nowhere near "polished and let someone read it" finished, the fact that the draft is complete and tangible makes me happier than I could express.

So, now I'm going to celebrate by printing out two copies. One for myself and one for Derek. Soon it will be a mess of red corrective pen strokes, and I'm really OK with that. Nothing could ruin today's triumph. Except maybe a giant tsunami that engulfs Vancouver. Or a forced "wear your bikini to work" day. Or a dinner of boiled cabbage and goat liver. Ok, lots could ruin it, but so far we're good.

Time to celebrate!

Losing my?

2009-08-31T14:00:00.000-07:00

Mind? Sanity? Sense of self? Understanding of this plot?

All of the above?

I'm currently trying to channel a bulldozer, plowing through the wreckage, hoping its smoother on the other side once I've crossed. A sidebar on that: bulldozers are not particularly attractive, and neither are writers who are mid-third act and forgetting how to connect the threads of the plot that are still hanging. There is ink on my glasses from an exploded pen. Need I say more?

Three More Reviews

2009-08-26T10:27:00.000-07:00

INGLOURIOUS BASTERDS

Good fun straight through
subtle seduces intense
Tunes lacked Quentin's flare

THIRST

Tale artfully told
Challenges Western pacing
Vengeance reigns supreme

JULIE & JULIA

Sweet and Savory
Child's story superior
Streep sweeps us away

I suppose I could at least TRY and stay consistent with my formatting. But life lived only for rules is boring.

Haiku Movie Reviews, to date

2009-08-22T17:08:00.000-07:00

District 9
Enlightened effects / great story with new techniques / paving a new road.

The Ugly Truth
Butler Sans Accent / Too many mind games, no punch / Tired jokes with a twist

Moon
Engaging premise / Beautifully juxtaposed / A quiet triumph

Transformers
Sub effects for plot / Comic relief on steroids / Why Michael Bay Why?

Public Enemies
Well acted and scored / True story pacing meets Mann / Too much handy-cam.

My Head is Full

2009-08-17T22:34:00.000-07:00

My head is full tonight.
Full of things that could be, should be, but will they ever be?
Am I working hard enough or just wasting the opportunity? Does it make a difference if no one ever sees what is inside of me?
Or Should I let it be, just for him, for me?
Something that no one else can ever see?
I want to let it out, but inside it is still perfect, basking in amniotic memory.
When it breaks free it is filthy, ugly, scary, changed from its strong consistency.
Becoming something I’m afraid to be.
Where is the courage that yesterday promised me?
Where is the discipline I claimed to see?
I guess there is nothing left but to just be.
I hope you’re with me.

Making Choices and Meeting Friends

2009-08-16T18:46:00.000-07:00

Life is a series of small breaks. You know what else it is? A choice. Every single moment of every single day we are making choices. Am I going to sit down or stand up? Am I going to have the cod or the halibut? Am I going to put myself out there and try something scary, or underestimate myself and stay safe. These choices will define the experiences that we have each day, and what we miss out on. This week has been one of many experiences for me.

First, I have had the pleasure of experiencing Vancouver through the eyes of my in-laws, and in so doing rediscovered the beautiful place in which I live. Where I tend to get distracted by the business of my week and forget to stop and let the sounds of the ocean wash it all away, they are enthralled by everything they see because they do not have the option of rushing past it on their way to a lunch or in rush hour traffic. It was really nice to see it from their perspective.

Second, I went against my doctor's orders and walked all weekend on a foot that should have experienced only ice, elevation and a considerable amount of pain killers. I chose to do this because I could not bear to sit at home and miss out on the first set of experiences mentioned. We don't get to spend enough time with our out of town family, and I could not stand to be left out of the equation. Even now as I sit here with the ice and the throbbing, I don't regret it.

Third, I had the opportunity to meet one of my favourite bloggers. Someone whose courage and attitude has inspired me with every post he has written. You can check out Matt Logelin's blog here. We spent Thursday night downtown hanging out with Matt, and on one of the most difficult nights of the year for him, he still managed to listen to our goals and dreams and encourage us in our chosen career path, about our marriage and our future. He allowed us to pick his brain about his many experiences since losing Liz, and the arrival of Madeline, and he was genuine and friendly. I only hope we were able to show him as great of an evening as he did us. We had a great time.

The choices I'm making this week? 1. A little less fried food, a little more fruit. 2. Rest, ice and elevation (doctor's orders, for real this time). 3. No underestimation. I am just going to go for it.

3 Virtues and a Flaw

2009-08-10T00:17:00.000-07:00

Something we do at work when we are trying to correct a behavior is to give the person in the hot-seat three positive focuses before we offer the one (and only one) "opportunity" that they should be focussing on. It sounds like a load of corporate hooey - yes I said it - up front, but mostly, it just works. I've found it a good excercise for myself when I get overwhelmed about the endless list of non-virtues I posess (sorry, no spellcheck on my blackberry) so here goes my public display of affection for myself, the main focus being my flaw.

Virtue #1. I'm Deep.

It sounds ridiculous to say it out loud. Along the lines of the newest celebutante on late night who says "everybody thinks I'm like, so shallow, but I really think about things, like, world hunger, and people who have to shop at like, Wal-Mart. I obviously have layers." But I do actually do a lot of thinking and analysing, and I hope it shines through on occassion.

Virtue #2. I am aware.

I am not one of those people who is blissfully ignorant of the solo mother who is trying to coral her stroller and second squirming two year old through the not-so-automatic doors. I'm usually present enough to help someone who's dropped a bag of groceries, or left their car keys on a table at the restaurant. I like to notice things (note: texting and awareness can almost never co-exist)

Virtue #3. I'm funny. Whether intentional or (more likely) unintentional, I can crack people up. I try, and often fail, through my writing, and I definitely make an effort in person. The main detractor to this is when I incidentally cross a line or step on some toes, though I find most of my friends and family to be extremely gracious in these situations.

And finally the easy part. The above was practically torture. I am not practiced at saying positive things (read: bragging) about myself.

The Flaw: I'm extremely impatient.

The kind of impatient that misses a spectacular sunset because she was too set on getting gelato to hold off for five minutes and watch. The kind who can't enjoy a still moment without knowing its expiry second, and what's next on the agenda. The kind who rushes her extremely patient husband out of the house to go do errands when they could be enjoying another cup of coffee and an episode of The Honeymooners on a Sunday morning.

People always say "well at least I can admit it about myself" I think what good is admitting it unless I can do something about it. My problem is I don't know how to change.

Clean and dirty laundry now aired, I urge you to undertake this exercise, and give yourself some positive feedback before focussing on one thing you want to change. I want to hear some self-bragging! If only to validate my own overshare.

Also this post was done via PDA so I take no responsibility for its choppy feel. Embrace it.

Reasons I Didn't Write This Week

2009-08-05T16:41:00.000-07:00

Everyday I come up with a new justification for my lack of writing. Usually it goes a little something like this:

Thursday
Little Voice in my head: "Rachel, I noticed your screenplay is at the same page count as yesterday, why is that do you think?"

Me: "Well, I was scheduled for a 9:30 start at work, and we both know that I am a terrible morning writer. Then I had a birthday dinner to go to tonight and I didn't get home until late, so I figured I'd go full board tomorrow."

Friday
Little Voice: "Hey Rachel, I was wondering if you hit your five page goal today?"

Me: "Oh! Well, technically I didn't actually hit the keyboard, but I did a lot of mental writing. So don't worry, work has been done.

LV: "Mental writing?"

Me: "Yeah, where you think about what you want to write when you have time to sit down next. Mental writing is the new five pages!"

Saturday
LV: "Rachel, its Saturday. I was really hoping I'd see that progress we've been talking about."

Me: "Oh hey, yeah, I'm just really not feeling very well today. I think I ate some questionable food. Really the only thing that can help me today is gingerale and reality television."

LV: "Time well spent."

Me: "Was that sarcasm?"

LV: "Caught that did you?"

Sunday
Me: "Hey Little Voice, aren't you going to harass me today?"

LVIMH: "What, you don't think I deserve a day off? I'm part of a union you know!"

Me: "Whoah, hey, relax!"

LV: "Now that you mention it..."

Me: "No way, you lost your chance. I'm going out"

Monday
LV: "Rachel, I'm serious. You owe me about six billion pages today."

Me: "Right, I know. Listen though, I'm thinking I'm just going to wait until after our company comes and goes next week. I have a lot of errands to do before then."

Tuesday
LV: "Rachel?"

Me: "Dude, I told you. Company, errands. I'll just be stressed if I start writing now."

LV: "Yeah, I'm thinking a little stress may be healthy for you at this point, rather than the utter complacancy we've been experiencing of late."

Me: "What? Sorry? I was staring at the wall for a minute and tuned you out."

Wednesday
LV "So, you want to be a burger jockey?"

Me: "What? No!

LV: "Oh, sorry my mistake. WRITE!"

Me: "Yeah, I'm pretty sure I need a new project."

LV: "I quit."

Five People To Avoid At The Theater

2009-07-23T18:29:00.000-07:00

We've seen a lot of movies recently. That usually tends to happen in the height of the Summer Blockbuster Season, when we go on vacation, and when we are able to purchase discounted tickets. The stars aligned these past months and all three of these factors came together to send us to the theater at least once a week for the past month (a lot, for our pay grade). It seems that every time we see another movie, we encounter several people who live to make the theater experience as frustrating as they can. Since I am generally too passive to do anything on the day, I choose to write scathingly about it later. Today I feel I have earned the right to rant since I actually "shushed" someone for the first time in the theater (before you get all up in arms, they were swearing and talking loudly throughout the film - which happened to be Harry Potter - and someone else had already shushed them once.) I've decided to outline several people I meet at the theater that almost make me want to wait for the DVD release.

1. The party people: The worst thing about this one is that they come in a group. Usually teenagers, usually high, they come in five minutes before the movie (which, thankfully, restricts them to the front row). They've usually smoked a copious amount of weed, or broken into their parents liquor cabinets to pre-drink vanilla vodka before the evenings main event, a PG movie and then calling the least observant parent to pick up the whole crew in their mini-van. They send a younger sibling trying to make the cut to save twelve seats, and then they saunter in and sprawl out with their snacks and huge purses (likely holding a two-six of sour puss) They make out, chit chat, and giggle, generally distracting the other paying patrons, and then whine about the lameness of the show upon their stumbling departure.

2. The Texter: You all know who I'm talking about, the problem is you likely ARE who I'm talking about. It seems like overnight it has become acceptable to text during a movie, since you're not making any noise. I've even witnessed a pre-show Rogers commercial that involved a girl texting her friend whilst mid-movie (can I just say EPIC Rogers FAIL, btw). Its NOT ok to use your cellphone at the movies. It lights up the whole theatre, distracting anyone behind you from the screen. I really don't want to know what you said to your boss, or how many shots of Patron you did last night, but if you're two rows down and whipping out your Blackberry so you can BBM your girlfriend, its hard to miss! I paid to watch the show, not to watch your social life drama unfold via Facebook, and you can Twitter your thoughts once you've seen the WHOLE movie. An extension of this are the people, who are audacious enough to answer their phone in the theater. This happened recently and I tried to give the offender the benefit of the doubt - maybe his wife was in labour? Then he said "Nothing, just watching this lame movie" and my grip on the arm rest increased tenfold.

3. The Critic: I have no problem with critics, especially when I agree with their thoughts. What I hate is the person who critiques the movie, during the movie, at a volume everyone in the general vicinity can hear. They subject you to their unenlightened thoughts, whining about plot points they didn't understand, asking what was said when the theater errupts into laughter and they were awakened from their mental slumber, then commenting on how unfunny the joke was. Lets keep it to ourselves, ok?

4. The Space Invader: I wish I was talking about martians who invade the theater with plans to capture and conquer (is "martian" even P.C. anymore?). I'm referring to the person who takes up their seat and half of yours when they sit down. I'm not discussing size here, its an attitude. Their elbow never vacates the shared armrest, and occasionally goes as far as your ribcage. Their shoulder veers to your side over and over, and their scent wafts into your bubble, causing your popcorn to taste of B.O., or worse CK One. This person often seems to be a smoker, and occasionally has a laugh to match their aura. Since I've gotten married and Derek graciously lets me take the aisle everytime, my encounters with the Space Invader has been limited of late.

and finally....

5. The Noisy Snacker: Don't be fooled, they come in all shapes and sizes. They usually sit in their seats, looking completely normal and harmless, talking in indoor voices until about fifteen minutes before the show time. You think you've lucked out and chosen a good seat, next to considerate neighbors. Then, they stand up. "Oh well, probably just taking a pre-film bathroom break" you think to yourself. Sadly, you are mistaken. You look up to see them returning at the last second, arms laden with popcorn, sodas, candy, sometimes even a five course meal. As the show starts, so too does the chomping, the rustling, and the slurping. They finally finish their popcorn and you breathe a sigh of relief; at least you can enjoy Act II in peace. No no, my friend, they still have sour patch kids, which they pull out of the rustling package, one by one, handing them up and down the row to their party, oblivious that all the other farm animals have had their dinner and made it to the barn by this point. I'm not ragging on everybody who gets a snack at the movies, I'd be in that category often enough, but these people have a specific talent for getting the most noise out of the smallest movements. Each bite echoes throughout the theater, coming through in THX complete with the added bonus of spit. Seriously? That's enough.

Clearly, I'm a rage-a-holic who should generally be kept in her cage, but it feels good to break out and howl at the moon every once in a while.

Birth of the Haiku Movie Review

2009-07-12T01:07:00.001-07:00

We have seen two movies in two days, not unheard of for us. Both films failed to fulfill all my hopes and dreams. Since time is short on my end these days, but I am clearly full of humble (read: loud) opinions, I joked that I should practice my haiku skills for reviewing films. Derek thought this was a great idea and coined the term "Haiku Movie Review". This is lovely since a haiku is traditionally five syllables on the first line, seven on the second, and five on the third (though some examples vary) and this all fits neatly into a tweet. Obviously I am bastardizing the artful purpose of this poetic form, using it to serve my own purpose, but what artist has not stooped as low in their time?

The two movies we saw this weekend were Public Enemies and Transformers 2: Revenge of the Fallen. Here are my respective #HaikuMovieReview(s):

Public Enemies:
Well acted and scored
True story pacing meets Mann
Too much handy-cam

Transformers:
Sub effects for plot
Comic relief overload
Why, Michael Bay, why?

Feel free to comment for further clarification, or to rage at my lack of respect for the art of poetry. With that, I bid you adieu.

The Girl Who Cried "Art!"

2009-07-06T22:27:00.000-07:00

Musing tonight about art and life. As I return from a much needed trip home, I'm struggling with the same old question. "If a tree falls in the forrest..." But my version goes more like this: Am I still an artist if nobody sees my paintings? Am I still a poet if nobody validates my iambic pentameter? What is it about the prospect of success that changes the value of my art?

I have no answers to these questions, except that I will always be at odds with myself in some respect. Part of me agrees with the fluffy-bunny-thought that I am an artist even if I am the only one who ever sees my work. By this right, even I choose to draw one legged stick figures for the rest of my life it is still art. The cynic in me, however, tells me that there are many people out there who think they are artists that would not even make it onto my creative waiting list. Both of these trains of thought are surprisingly egocentric. With the fuzzy-bunny version, I have the audacity to declare that anything I create is art, whether it is beautiful or not, valuable or not. With the cynical strain I have the condescension to judge whether what others create is worthy of being considered art. Both of these thoughts make me more uncomfortable with the amount of credit I am granting myself.

There is no conclusion here except to say that I cannot cure myself of the affliction that drives me to create. I cannot force myself not to think conceptually. It would take a serious amount of morphine to stop me from dreaming up ideas. So I will continue to hold out hope that I can create enough to satiate the desire, and that maybe someday someone else will condescend to give it that elusive title of "art".

If you were able to wade this far into my abstract post-vacation brain, you deserve a prize. Maybe next time, I'll have one for you.

A Hiatus Type Post

2009-07-02T23:04:00.000-07:00

So, normally this is a writing-themed blog, however, since I am on vacation, so is my typical subject matter.

Tonight my sister-in-law and I made the (rather spontaneous) decision to cook a dinner of Chinese food, Canadian style, for the family. She rocked out the chicken chow mien, beef and broccoli, and my personal favorite, the hot and sour soup. I managed the szechuan green beans (if you have an issue with my spelling of szechuan take it up with Google) and the dumplings, as well as assisting with the rice, tea and various meat preparation tasks. All in all it was a great meal with a legendary amount of leftovers.

The reason I'm writing is not to tell you how awesome we are, though I could wax poetic on that topic for a while. While we were cooking, I noticed a paradigm shift taking place. We are currently staying with my in-laws, whom I have the good fortune to adore. When we began cooking, my lovely sister-in-law took it upon herself to banish her mother to the patio swing, promising she would seek her out if she had any questions regarding the location of the garlic grater. Minutes later, I followed suit with my grandmother in-law, who maintained she was just supervising. I succeeded in telling her this was not the case and she was to immediately go relax and allow us the chance to prove our worth in the kitchen.

The interesting thing was that it appeared very difficult for them to stay in the relaxation zone and allow the young (ha) ones to assert their culinary independence. Now that I have my own kitchen, I know the pain of relinquishing my space to someone who might get lost without a road map to my cupboard chaos. I can only imagine how these feelings may be multiplied by years of family dinner experience, Chinese cooking classes (it's true) and an overwhelming desire to nurture those who are only around for several weeks out of the year. Its interesting that something as simple as having dinner cooked for you can be an exercise in letting go; as well as in perspective, for those of us who are just beginning our foray into group cooking and entertaining.

Once you've had the joy of mothering three children, or becoming a grandmother and great-grandmother several times over you deserve a mammoth pile of respect. You know exactly when to time the rice, start the tea, boil the water, and who may or may not need an extra napkin at the table. You have years of dishwasher loading mojo on your side, and six different recipes for tiramisu, all of which turn out every single time. You've already achieved domestic-goddess-hood, mingled with career woman-dom, not to mention you've learned Facebook post empty nest. All these merit badges under your belt, and there is only one thing you find challenging: stepping back and allowing those you've successfully reared to show you what a great job you've done.

Why is it so hard for us to turn off that desire to suggest an alternate method, and allow someone to show us what we've taught them? Perhaps its the same reason that when I finish training someone at work, I still have the desire to coach them on anything they may choose to do differently (in my defense, I ignore this impulse as often as possible). Tonight was a lesson in letting go for two great moms, and a lesson in culinary timing for two eager daughters. I'm proud of us all for making it a spectacular evening all around.

We had a great dinner, and a great time together. Nobody got sent to the ER with food poisoning (yet), and my sister in law and I even carried our efforts into doing the dishes. To the casual onlooker, you never would have known what was boiling just beneath the surface. All this and a fortune cookie.

Five Day Feature

2009-06-22T08:12:00.000-07:00

As you know if you've been gracious enough to read my previous ramblings, I've been going on about a Three Day Thriller that I've been working on. Turns out that the idea has evolved, thanks to some of my Tweet-Buds @robertcarroll (blog here) and @hollywoodjane (blog here) and @sambanova. We've morphed the Three Day Thriller into a Five Day Feature to encompass more than a single genre, and given ourselves between now and Sunday to complete it, choosing the five days that work best for us to write.

I've realized that I've painted myself into a bit of a corner here, as I am leaving for a two week hiaitus on Friday at 5:30AM and between now and then I am scheduled to work every day at the bill paying job. So, I have a small confession to make. I'm going to be cheating ever so slightly. I am planning to transfer my Three Day Thriller into the Five Day Feature. I have currently already worked on the thriller for three sittings, which would give me two more sittings to finish it. Since Thursday is a total write off due to holiday preparations, I figure I'm not cheating too badly, and am hoping my tweet-family won't excommunicate me too easily. I'm Thirty-one pages in, which still leaves me quite a feat to accomplish around my work days. I'm extremely excited to have some moral support from other (read: better) writers who are forging on along the same timelines.

Check this blog for updates, or follow along on Twitter. You can search #5dayfeature for Twitter info. Happy writing to my compatriots.

Writing the High Road

2009-06-17T22:40:00.001-07:00

I had a great discussion tonight with Derek (@dereklanger for you twitterholics) about why The Hangover worked for us, when Old School (both from director Todd Phillips) failed to impress either of us. We came to the decision that it was a combination of several factors that set The Hangover apart, not the least of which was a decision made by the writers to take the high road, and grant a marginal amount of intelligence to their viewers.

Generally, we avoid seeing comedies in the theater. Being on a modest budget as we claw our way into our chosen field, we usually spend on movies that will deliver more in the theater than our BluRay and LCD can achieve at home; most of the time this doesn't include comedies (romantic or otherwise) without a substantial amount of special effects. The Hangover was an exception, since it had come highly recommended and we were looking for a group-friendly show on a Saturday evening. We were duly impressed.

The Hangover is atypical of its genre because it does not write its characters into a corner and then inform you that the walls in the corner are white. Instead, the writers have written characters that embody some of the traits necessary to foster humorous reactions and a wide variety of jokes, but they allow them to grow on you slowly. They provide a wonderful platform for you to relate to each character by giving them a voice of their own to tell you who they are, and what they are struggling with instead of having characters B and C tell you that A is an uptight loser who brushes his teeth sixteen times a day. This, coupled with using relatively unknown actors who do not bring their typecast to every role they accept breathes new life into a genre that is begging Jim Carey and Will Ferrell to take a vacation.

This got me to thinking about the guts it takes to write the high road. It is always easier to have Mr. A tell you that Mr. B is a forty year old virgin, who will likely never get laid (better yet, why not have the title inform you of that) but it is a subtle art to get the character to tell you about himself, through his reactions, his lifestyle, even his puce cashmere sweater. I want to learn to be the type of writer who always takes the high road. Lending intelligence to your audience increases the likeliness that smart people will want to see your film, and plays Darwin to the ones who really should just be in Space Chimps which is likely in the larger air conditioned theater down the hall.

The Fear

2009-06-15T20:26:00.001-07:00

I've been reading a delightful blog called "Ruts and Grooves" lately. The author of this blog has been touching on some topics that have been stirring the molasses in my brain and helping me shake up some old skeletons, in a good way. She mentions how fear is a huge impediment when it comes to writing. The fear that there are flaws that you cannot conquer, the fear that your characters are flat, or your dialogue is boring, the fear that you won't know what to do once you've finished, all the things that cause you to stop typing and say "why even bother?"

To this end, I have set a goal for myself. I decided to attempt to write a thriller in three days. A feature length script, from concept to completion in three days. The goal of this project is not to write a masterpiece, rather just to write. By setting a time limit, I am forcing myself to ignore the fears that cause me to halt my progress, or abandon my attempt altogether. The only thing I hope to gain from this exercise is a ninety page screenplay. Quality is not even part of the equation.

Today is sitting number three. I am clearly not finished, however, the project has only been gaining appeal as I work on it. While I have to extend the time limit, I am still on track with the purpose behind the exercise, and I haven't rewritten a single line. I have not even granted myself the liberty to reread what I wrote in the previous sitting, except for a quick clarification.

I don't know how many sittings it will take, but I'm extending it to five for the time being. Even if the only thing I can even use it for is campfire kindling, I will be proud to say that I've completed a project, and exorcised my fear. Thank you to the author of "Ruts and Grooves" for putting your finger on a plaguing issue.

The fear is in the backseat. I may have no idea where we're going, but I'm behind the wheel and we're going to wind up somewhere different than where we began!

You May Ask, But I Have Not The Answer

2009-06-07T13:51:00.000-07:00

If it is generally accepted that everyone wears a black hat, black gloves and a black cape, and my closet is filled with seven sets of the same, then it stands to reason that I wear these things as well. The truth is I hate black hats, black gloves and black capes, but if that is what is good and honest and enduring in a body, then is that not what I must wear?

If I were to venture out in a brown hat with purple polka dots and a scarf instead of a cape, who knows what sort of calamities may befall me. If I forgot my gloves at home, surely the bus would not stop to pick me up, truly I might fall in a large mud puddle, absolutely could I be refused entry to my place of employment. All of these possibilities are enough to scare me from committing such a widely unpopular faux pas. But I do so long for the courage to toss away my black hat, black gloves and black cape. The fear holds me back.

If I was to wear a red coat, perhaps I could learn to dance. If I was to wear a blue cap, perhaps I could learn French. If I had the spunk to dress apart, stand apart, live apart, who knows what I could be capable of? What chances I may take? But the fear holds me back, so I cling to my black hat, black gloves and black cape, and live a black life.

Five Reasons I Love the Classics

2009-06-01T23:28:00.000-07:00

I'm sitting here watching "Roman Holiday" instead of doing my work, and I'm trying to put my finger on a few reasons I love classic Hollywood cinema. Here's what I've come up with so far, in random order:

1. Intonation: It seems everyone speaks with the same inflection. The girls all enunciate with faux British staccato, unless they hail from the Deep South. The gentlemen all talk either like Jimmy Stewart or the Old Prospector, both of which are equally entertaining. I wonder if studio speech courses were a requirement in order to appear in "the talkies".

2. The Sets: These ridiculous fake sunsets, the most audacious of back lot city streets, not to mention the background behind the car while driving.

3. The Kiss: That momentous moment when the leads realize they cannot live without one another, gaze into each others eyes. The music builds, the edges blur, and the actors press their faces together with such force you almost expect a perma-meld of the cheeks. The woman's head inevitably tilts back and the man enfolds her in his strong dominant embrace. Nobody move, hold it, five more seconds AND...release.

4. The Pacing: I love old movies that I have never seen, because I never know what to expect. The formula is completely apart from the typical 90 minute Rom-Com, where I can guess the next scene simply by looking at my watch. I love being surprised, and the unexpected knocks on my door so seldom these days, that being in the dark is refreshing.

Alright, I tried to go for five but its an even number kind of night. Feel free to hit me with some of your favorite (or least favorite) elements of classic cinema.

The Life We Choose

2009-05-20T19:04:00.001-07:00

We shot a conference today. I am always pleasantly surprised when the keynote speaker is interesting enough to keep me engaged in more than singing "Mama Mia" over and over in my head to the rhythm of the time code. One topic the speaker touched on particularly resonated with me. Though he was talking about a different area, I found myself applying it to my writing and film career, as it stands (currently on all fours, though we're working towards two legs).

He mentioned that he has always been a terrible fundraiser, because when he is asked the question "What would you do differently with our money that you are not able to do now?" his response has always been "Nothing. We're already doing what we want to do." His intent was not to say that they don't want funding, but that they plan to accomplish their goals with or without the extra cash. He stated that the best people to pay to perform a job are people that are already doing the job for free, because they like it. That way by paying them, you're taking the pressure off, and allowing them to make even more of an impact. Though this methodology does not work with every business model, I believe it applies to us. If we want to make films, we should make them. Funding or not, credits or not. If we are passionate, we are passionate. Perhaps someday someone with a rich uncle, or Harvey Weinstein himself will pay us to do what we want to do, but until then we continue to pursue our passion on our own.

This made me re-examine my priorities, to reconsider my motives for doing what we do. Sure, I love to make money. Do I want this to be my full time paying career? Absolutely. Is that my motivating factor? Absolutely not. We want to create films with a message, that share our artistic vision and allow us to exorcise pent-up creativity. We want to tell stories, weave legends, and live a passionate life. These things are not dependent on money, though its easy to convince yourself that they are. Obviously I will not say no to a budget that will greatly increase the production value of our films; heck, I'll actively seek one out if it suits us, but we will make our films without one if necessary. Whether we see our projects on the big screen in Hollywood, or crowded around our laptops with our families. Whether we affect only one person in our family, or one thousand in our city, or one million throughout the world, we are going to do this because we love it. Most of the time.

The Magic of Star Trek

2009-05-14T10:30:00.000-07:00

I am currently coming off my second viewing of J.J. Abram’s “Star Trek”, and am still reveling in the excitement I felt during both screenings. I come at Star Trek primarily as a fan of TNG (The Next Generation, in non-geek) and of late, Deep Space Nine. I rarely watched the original series though I have seen all the movies (The Undiscovered Country being my favorite; no hate from the Khan lovers please.) I went into Abram’s adaptation feeling a certain amount of trepidation. Like so many other fans I was nervous that the genre would be overrun by a new wave, and homage would not be paid to the vision of the late Gene Rodenberry. Within the first hour my fears had been allayed and I knew that I loved the movie. This is unusual for me since most of the time I cannot gage my reaction to a film until the credits.

The thing that blew me away about this film was the cast. Though my knowledge of the original characters has by no means reached Trekker status, I couldn’t have asked for a better selection of actors to play the young crew of the Enterprise. Whether it was a strategic decision to choose relative newcomers to the big screen or just dumb luck, this film struck gold in its lead players. Chris Pine was able to breathe life into young Captain Kirk, making the character his own, whilst still humbly paying tribute to the Kirk created by Shatner and the original series writers. Zachary Quinto portrayed Spock in conflict, struggling with the pull between his human and Vulcan heritage. I was worried going in that I would only see brain-lusting Sylar of Heroes, marauding around space with pointy ears and a botched eyebrow job, but this was not the case. Quinto separated us so fully from his silver screen persona, allowing us glimpses of the Spock we know and love, but whom he has not quite grown into yet. The most paralleled portrayal in my opinion was that of Karl Urban, who portrayed Dr. Leonard “Bones” McCoy. His mannerisms were nothing if not precise, and the humour surrounding his Bones-isms was perfectly timed and had just the right amount of tongue-in-cheek.

SPOILERS to FOLLOW

I read a review today where it was mentioned that Kirk’s character has zero development, and his journey is pretty much nil, in the emotional sense. I couldn’t agree more, though at first I couldn’t figure out why I still loved the movie. Typically if a character is lacking development I am turned off; in this case, I think I was just so excited to see where Kirk came from that I bypassed my normal must-haves for a character. I know from the original series that Kirk is a fairly stagnant character. Kirk is who he is, no bones about it I expected this. Seeing it brought to life by the vibrant and attractive Chris Pine only solidified my love for Kirk and his ways. I get the feeling that this movie bucks the system in many ways. Abram’s took an unpolished script from mid-writer’s strike, characters beloved by possibly some of the most intense fan group (ever met a trekker?) and a story arc that had a very specific format to follow, dashed a little bit of cinnamon and paprika on it, and the rest is magic.

The choice to create an alternate timeline was probably the best thing the writers could have chosen to give the film a little bit of breathing room from the expectations that it had to live up to, whilst showcasing characters that are recognizable despite different circumstances. The alternate universe allowed Abrams to showcase a different set of events without feeling like he was stepping on the toes of those who’ve memorized the dates and times of every important Star Fleet event in Trek history.

Nero as a villain was an interesting choice. This is possibly the only thing that remains up in the air for me (other than the copious sun flares that plagued the movie; seriously once is funny, twice is annoying, three times deserves a spanking). Nero is a villain that facilitated both Kirk and Spock’s agendas in the film. Kirk has a personal vendetta against Nero for causing the death of his father. Nero’s reactionary choices allow Kirk to showcase his shoot from the hip style. Spock, whose future self incidentally caused Nero to become what he is, struggles with the emotions brought on by Nero’s form of revenge and Kirk’s method of dealing with Nero. Why am I up in the air? We barely get to know anything about Nero. We see a brief holograph of the pregnant wife he lost when Romulus was destroyed. We know why he is here, but we never find out who he is. Some history on his personality would have been nice. Was he always so reactionary? Has he proven himself ruthless prior to these events? Do those awesome tattoos mean anything? Even a flash-forward (or back depending on how you look at it) to him with his wife may promote more sympathy for Nero, thereby creating more intensity behind his cause. One thing I can say for certain, Eric Bana delivered a great performance, as usual. I could barely find Bana in Nero at all, unless I scrutinized the eyes. He went as far as he could with what he was given.

Abrams breathed new life into the worn backdrops and tired sets, creating an Apple Store bridge, with clean white technology and Kindle-esque tools. Engineering resembles a submarine packed with technology, and well-oiled machines. The Enterprise gives the impression of the Navy, in space. The crew salutes the captain when he walks past, and you can tell that they are there to perform a duty, rather than attend a housewarming party. This was s fantastic directorial choice, as the original Enterprise was essentially a ship, not the home that was portrayed in The Next Generation where the crew lived on the ship for years at a time. In Kirk’s early days a mission was undertaken, executed, and the crew was returned to earth or their respective planets. This take gives the viewers a sense of realism, something that we can attach ourselves to based on the knowledge and experience that we possess.

The pacing of the film can be summed up in my phrase of the week “A no holds barred, action packed, non-stop thrill ride”. From the opening sequence, my eyes were glued to the screen. A great portrayal of familiar characters with a new cast and the best that updated technology has to offer. Combine that with J.J. Abram’s particular brand of magic, and you have a summer blockbuster that few can resist, and will likely last through the winter as well. Kudos to the team of Star Trek for approaching a seemingly insurmountable task, and showing us all that there is no reason you can’t buck the formulas and still appeal to the masses.

Pro Bono Lifestyle

2009-05-06T19:09:00.000-07:00

I've been musing recently about my quest to make the ever sketchy transition from a generic job to an industry specific career. Perhaps I'm not historically savvy (read: old) enough to remember things clearly, but I seem to recall that there was a point in time where the natural progression went as follows: childhood, post-secondary, career. Or in some cases: childhood, entry-level job, working up to executive-level. It seems now that the natural progression is: childhood, post-secondary, strange limbo where you panic about your debts and your lack of career options in your field, slave labour where you work for free trying to gain experience, possible aligning of stars leading to entry level position indirectly related to your field.

I heard today that one of the young kitchen guys at work has given his notice. I guess his plan is to use his savings to support himself as he volunteers at high end restaurants to gain the necessary experience to be employed by them, experience he isn't receiving at our mid-market restaurant. Perhaps I am just suffering from the syndrome that causes every generation to see themselves as hard done by but I seem to remember a time where the work-for-free stage was not necessary to break into your field. We are in the limbo right now. We don't have enough work through the production company to quit our day jobs and still make our student loan payments, but we have too much work to continue at the pace we are going. Getting the amount and type of work that would allow us to forgo casual employment requires a lot of experience. For instance, I am pursuing script reading for cash I have applied to one internship and have had at least two opportunities to read pro-bono for production companies to gain resume experience. All of this still will not guarantee me a position reading for a salary.

My question is this: Has there always been this much competition to break into a career? I know its not solely the film and entertainment industry. I know photographers who are doing weddings for free and musicians who play free gig after free gig. To be a journalist you have to work for your school paper, then your community paper, before obtaining any kind of paying gig. Is it an unwritten rule that you have to prove your dedication to your chosen field within an inch of your sanity and solvency before you are granted your gold (or in some cases silver) star and given the chance to move onwards and upwards?

I was discussing this with my husband today. He mentioned that perhaps we are experiencing a generational standstill in the workforce. The baby boomers are occupying many of the top-dog positions as executives, head chefs, department heads etc., and that perhaps when they hit retirement we will experience a widespread shift in power. The next generation will take the top spots, leaving a gap in the entry to mid level positions in many industries that are currently full to bursting with talented potential workers. He theorized that perhaps we will see a tipping of the scales of opportunity, and anybody with a small portion of skill will be accepted for paying positions. Neither of us being a student of population growth verses employment opportunity we are simply hoping for the best. Regardless, it will be interesting to see the continued progression of the employment cycle over the next decade or two. Until then, does anybody have an internship opportunity for me? I will work for credits!

Also, when in doubt blame it on the baby-boomers.

The Art of Funny

2009-05-04T09:43:00.000-07:00

People tell me I'm funny. I get it all the time. At first I took it as a compliment, thinking that perhaps I could roll it over into my writing to be successful in more ways than I had initially considered. Perhaps I could be a sketch writer, or write for a website that focuses on satire. After reading some of my early attempts, I'm developing a new perspective on my so called sense of humour.

First, I'm pretty certain that people confuse random with funny. I tend to go for shock value with my chosen phrases and occasional outbursts. Its not intentional, but I get bored with the traditional way of responding to situations so I throw a random caustic opinion into the mix every now and again. When you work in the service industry, such responses are a cathartic form of anger management; often allowing me to keep my job. More traditional conversationalists are often shocked by my lack of pretense. Their immediate response is laughter, which informs their linear brains that I must be funny; this information follows the internal interstate to their voice box and "Wow, Rach, you're so funny" pops out.

Secondly, I've realized that transferring humour into your writing is a whole different ballgame. There are so many factors to consider. How will this joke be perceived by all age groups? Will it be culturally relevant if and when this script is produced? Does is cross any PC lines? Is it something that only I would consider funny because I've been there? If I can get through all of these questions and still want to use the joke then hit +s and break out the champagne! When I do hit humour it my writing it is usually because I've gotten to know a character and can imagine the funny things he or she might say. I'm certain it has little to do with my own sensibilities.

I am pretty sure I will always envy those who have an inherent gift of humour. The feeling that comes from making people laugh is unparalleled. Being able to immortalize that gift in your writing is fabulous. Until I master this skill, I will just have to survive with the comedian I have locked in the basement. Which reminds me, its time for his lunch...

How Early Is Too Early to Want It?

2009-04-28T22:18:00.000-07:00

Recently we pitched for the Crazy8's Film Festival here in Vancouver. The idea behind this festival is to make a short film in 8 days with an $800 budget (plus an exorbitant amount of production services) and then to show the film at a screening in front of industry professionals and the public alike. This is meant to showcase new talent, and create a calling card film that can be submitted to the festival circuit, as well as on a demo reel. We did not get in. We did, however, attend the screening for the six films that made the cut. Five out of the six were comedies, and the one drama blew them all out of the water. "Mike Inc." created by Jose Pablo Gonzalez and Paal Wilhelm Nesset was an incredible feat, especially considering the time constraints.

We went into our pitch with a project called "Grocery Confessions" (which we will incidentally be shooting this summer. Tell your friends and rich uncles!!) Though we pitched it as a dark comedy, "Grocery Confessions" has a lot of dramatic elements and is not slapstick by any means. As our first major pitch, we felt pretty good about our efforts, and received some positive feedback from the jury, despite the outcome. I suppose if rejection felt like cookie dough ice cream and kitten snuggles it would be a very different world we live in. What I'm getting at is that after attending the screening, I felt better and a little worse.

BETTER:
Looking at the types of films that were chosen, it was apparent that comedy was a major theme throughout the chosen films. I don't mean comedy in the "Darjeeling Limited" or "Oh Brother Where Ary Thou" sense, we're talking knee-slapping, guffawing, SNL-type comedy. Some of which succeeded, and others that may do better on YouTube. This made me feel slightly better about our story, if only because I can now convince myself that they weren't looking for our brand of story, as opposed thinking that despite the positive feedback we may have botched the pitch.

WORSE:
I feel worse, because the guys who made "Mike Inc." are clearly well on their way to amazing careers in the film industry, and were able to buck the system and create a mini masterpiece within the constraints that were thrown at them. It is inspiring and discouraging to witness their success. That is the nature of the beast, the good the bad and the ugly all in one California Roll and dumped on a peice of lettuce. Chew on it! Coming out of the event, I have several new ideas to flesh out, and much more networking to do.

MY QUESTION:
What I want to know is; when is it too early in your career to be picky about what you will and won't do? When are you allowed to avoid something that isn't up your alley, even if it may further your career in some way? Is there a right time to say "I will not compromise"? I ask because we could have pitched a comedy of the slapstick variety, and possibly made it into the festival, but we didn't. We chose to pitch a story we're passionate about, in a genre that we love, in a format we can get behind. Was this a bad move? I still say we did the right thing. Thoughts?

Also, since i was a delinquent on Logline Friday, perhaps I will try to achieve one line a day the rest of the week.

*disclaimer* I save all my best loglines for my idea log, in case someone decides to borrow the mediocre ones I post for their own gain. This exercise is merely to stir the molasses that is the right side of my brain. (On that note, if you've never done the right brain/left brain test, you should check it out. I ALWAYS see the dancer turning clockwise and it takes me forever to see it the other way - what do you see?)

Here is today's Logline:

A chef in the city is fired when he is wrongly accused of harassing his female co-workers. He exacts his revenge by paying customers to complain and send their food back.

Self Indulgence

2009-04-20T23:17:00.000-07:00

I'm currently in the middle of a multidimensional three-way relationship that I haven't quite figured out how to navigate. The participants in this toxic tango are at war with one another, constantly in bed with one member when it suits them, and then sneaking out at one in the morning for a torrid rendezvous with the other. My fiscal responsibilities are at war with my creative drive, and both are in a love-hate relationship with my time availability.

Pumping out creative work that is of a pleasing nature to more than just one's parents is time consuming, and costly (especially when such work requires equipment, knowledge and personnel). My drive to succeed in my chosen industry begins tantalizing me with future bill paying opportunities; all I have to do is sign on the dotted line and commit to two free reader's reports per week, eventually (fingers crossed) leading to a paying job doing script analysis. My fiscal self is screaming "Yes! Show me the money!" but my creative self sulks in the corner saying "Oh yeah hi, remember me and your so-called PASSION?!". This blood feud is coupled with a time barrier that is really rather tiresome, between pro bono work and a day job where most of the people I pour coffee for think I have a speech impediment-- waitress and actress are synonymous some days, and neither are my calling. I could continue, but self pity is never attractive for more than two paragraphs.

I guess posting after ten results in copious whining. Start up the dirges and break out the mourning food, Rachel's got a time crisis on her hands! Yeah, me an the entire universe including anyone who's ever had a dream. Sometimes all it takes is discussing the problem to make you buck up.

On another note, during the proofing of my reader's reports, I've noticed a lack of confidence in my writing. Far too much thinking, perhapsing and maybeing to make a real person believe what I have to say. If I'm not selling myself on my ideas, there remains little hope for someone else to jump up and shout "EUREKA" in manner of Bugs Bunny. Thank you to Natalie Goldberg and her book "Writing Down the Bones" for bringing this to my attention and suggesting some great fixing exercises.

Next post will be decidedly more entertaining and less morose. Many thanks for your indulgence.

Its That Time Again: Logline Extravaganza!

2009-04-17T08:44:00.000-07:00

Its a rainy Friday morning and I'm basking in the 1.5 hours of online bliss before I head in to work. I've decided to revisit my previous exercise of five loglines to keep me busy. Perhaps I'll make this a weekly thing. Five Logline Friday has a nice ring to it (though it sounds highly ambitious one cup of coffee in). Visit this PREVIOUS POST to compare and contrast today's ideas with the previous. Here goes:

1. OVERSHARE: Jane, a seasoned commuter, passes her time eavesdropping on the transit passengers around her, listening to their phone calls and imagining their lives. One morning she hears the private intentions of a passenger who has plans to kill herself that night. When the passenger disembarks suddenly, Jane feels compelled to go after her and keep her from her dark plan.

2. UNDEAD EVOLUTION: It is 2027. The human race have been subject to a violent plague and all have become the walking dead. Starvation is imminent, until one zombie child develops an awareness, an understanding of her surroundings. The need to feed becomes secondary to the need for survival, and the evolution of the undead begins.

3. THE SWAP: Bored with their domestic responsibilities, a group of housewives in the fifties start a program where working women can experience the domestic life for a day, and they will take over the office responsibilities. Breaking the barriers between career woman, and domestic goddess, the role sharing results in comedy, and an awareness to a new kind of life.

4. CHARISMA: Some people are simply too charming for their own good. Ellie is one of those people. Every time she opens her mouth, she makes a new friend. Her advice is highly sought after and her phone is always ringing. When Ellie begins a new job, her new admirers begin to cross the line from over-friendly to over-bearing. Ellie decides to take a vacation, only to be hotly pursued by those who want a piece of her, and they will do anything to get the piece they want.

Wow, those took longer than I had anticipated, and I only got four. Remind me next time that this exercise is not conducive to the morning. I will edit post when I can extract the fifth one from my brain. On another note, I'm aware that these are not my best work, but it is worth the posting humiliation to stir the creative molasses into gingerbread.

Exploring the Scary

2009-04-15T08:22:00.000-07:00

After my last post on cheap scares and tears, I've been itching to explore certain elements that make a movie scary. Furthermore, how to amp up the scare factor to spine-tingling, bone-chilling and eventually out right terrifying. I have an inkling that a lot of the scare factor depends on one's personality and receptiveness to differing tactics, however, there seem to be some tried and true methods. I've covered several below, please feel free to nudge me with pushy comments if I've left out a favorite.

First, "The Cheap Scare" (see my previous post for more detailed coverage). This tactic relies on a combination of music, timing and suspense. We all know its coming, and that is the beauty of it. The suspense of that knowledge without the key of knowing the precise moment amps up the scare factor. It is a similar feeling to anticipating the initial drop on a roller coaster. You know its coming, but you can't fully prepare yourself for the sensation.

Next is "The Grotesque Factor". Generally entailing blood spatter of some kind, copious entrails, or zombies chewing on a misplaced limb of some sort. The grotesque factor is for movies whose primary purpose is to disturb you into being afraid. The fact that this extreme disgusting-ness is taking place anywhere, even on your 2-D 42" LCD screen is just too much, and you are sufficiently freaked. This tactic is specifically targeted towards those with weak stomachs. Rob Zombie seems to be a master of such films. I try to stay away from films that employ this tactic, for the well-being of others around me.

Another tried and true is "No Escape". This one is primarily used in Zombie movies (and is also my biggest weakness). It plays on the underlying fear of being trapped. You may feel that fear in relation to a dead-end job, or due to the padded room that you recently left behind; no matter the circumstances everyone is subject to this fear at some point. For some, myself included, the feeling that there is no escape, and no viable option for success is terrifying. Zombie movies encompass this best of all since zombies have the potential to be anywhere that humans have been or will go. Also, anyone around you could become one of them at any moment, and ultimately, so could you. There is no trust, no solace, just chaos and failure...excuse me while I go cower in the bathtub.

OK, back now. The last tactic I will cover today (though this is by no means a comprehensive list) is "It Could Happen to You". This tactic is more of a subtle art. The goal is to make the story line close enough to real life that you begin to look over your shoulder, expecting the worst at any moment. This device usually employs a character who is encountering a spot of bother in their day-to-day life. A bullied student or a single mother, for instance. The story then puts them through the ringer with some sort of super-villain, crazed killer, or supernatural entity; ultimately ending with either their triumph, where they realize they are stronger than they ever knew; or their untimely demise. The reason this tactic works is because these are the events we view on the six o'clock news. Granted, they are generally less graphic, with less sharp pointy things and witty dialogue, but therein lies the entertainment factor. We begin to believe that if we are a victim of circumstance in one area of our lives, then we are also subject to a psychopathic next door neighbor who kills for nothing less than a pint of sugar (does anyone say pint anymore without referencing beer?). Even though these cases are few and far between, realistically, who doesn't like to believe they're special and deserving of a super-stalker from beyond the grave?

Alright, I'm spent. Your turn. Any other sublime scare tactics I've failed to discuss?

From Cheap Scares to Cheap Tears.

2009-04-08T21:12:00.000-07:00

I used to have one main concern in my movie watching. I'm sure you're familiar with it. You're at the movies with your date. He wanted to see "The Haunting in Connecticut" and you jumped at the chance since you dig him, even though you secretly were all over "He's Just Not That Into You" for the third time. You're in the theater, holding your popcorn, wishing you hadn't ordered the large iced tea. You know beyond a shadow of a doubt that the creepy violin music means that the bad guy is going to jump out from behind the next object that comes into frame. You cross your legs, you're really feeling that iced tea. The problem is that you cannot pinpoint the exact millisecond that the music will THRUM and the camera will ZOOM, and you will jump, spilling your popcorn on your date, and peeing your pants just a little bit. This is the moment, my worst nightmare, the cheap scare. You know its coming but the timing is dicey and it gets you every time.

There is now a new moment that puts my risk of theater embarrassment through the roof. I'm dubbing it "The cheap tearjerker". Usually appearing in a longer than necessary drama, or the ever thriving chick flick, the writers pair with the casting team to attach you to a character, usually a hard done by woman, young child, or sometimes even an animal. They put said character in a situation specifically designed to trigger a release of pity pheromones throughout the atmosphere. Then they add just the right touch of emotion enhancing music. The feeling permeates the theater. Add in the fact that your boss yelled at you the previous day and you dented your fender when you parked, and you are done. The tears well up and no amount of staring at the wall lamps can stop them from leaking down your face. Your date looks over at you and your makeup mess is further enhanced by a blush of shame. You are thanking the theater gods for the dark when you hear a rustle of purses being opened, and noses being blown. At least there is solace in the fact that you are not alone. You now have the reputation of being "sensitive" and everyone in your Twitterverse will be aware that you cried in Wall-E by the time you reach the water cooler tomorrow.

All that being said, I'm clearly going to use both of these tactics in my writing-- or at least in my first drafts.

Social Media Un-Savvy

2009-04-06T20:47:00.001-07:00

So, in an attempt to develop my web presence I have added Twitter updates to my blog, and blog updates to my Twitter feed. Yes, I am currently cross-eyed. Part of me wonders how long I'll be able to limp by with my limited knowledge of the four-eyed monster that is the internet. Is it sad that I'm only 26 and lacking the knowledge to function at full capacity online? I grew up with the internet - I'm generation "A" here, and yet I'm daily falling behind.

Perhaps the internet has a system similar to dog years. For every year, post high school, that you age in RL (that's "real life" for all you who aren't down with the made up acronyms), you age 2 years online. So since I graduated 8 years ago, I've aged 16 online years; therefore, in terms of my internet savvy, I'm nearing middle age.

Maybe the frenzied Googling of feed-linking intructions has made me crazy. No more theories for today.

Double Dreams

2009-03-25T09:23:00.000-07:00

Last night I had two dreams. In both instances I was grabbed from behind by a stranger on the street. In the first instance I managed to fight my way free and ran over to some security guards who were sitting in a corner. They did not stand up, only began leisurely questioning the stranger and I had to run on my own. In the second instance, after I freed myself from his hold he began following me and yelling. I called the police and the officer's response was "boys will be boys".

Clearly not an expert at any sort of dream analysis, I turned to the layman's favorite tool for misinformation - the Internet - where I was told that dreaming of being attacked means that you have stress or uncertainty in your waking life. Really? Is that the best they can do? Anti-climactic is the theme for the day. I think the thing that surprised me the most was that the dreams took place one right after the other, and practically mirrored each other. In both instances I was grabbed from behind. In both instances I wrestled myself away. And in both instances I sought help from a higher authority who did nothing.

How does this link to my writing? I'm not certain, but I feel like the connection is there. Maybe after several hours of wakefulness (and copious amounts of caffeine) I will be able to find a use for my overactive subconscious.

Penning Correspondence

2009-03-18T18:54:00.000-07:00

I wish people still wrote letters. More to the point, I wish I still wrote letters. To friends, to family. I feel like my life has been fast-tracked by technology, especially of late. Thanks to Facebook and Twitter (both of which I admittedly use religiously) people know the news far before they'd receive a letter. To the point where the effort to open the letter could almost count as an archeological expedition due to how ancient the news is by the time the letter is received.

That doesn't stop me from wishing there was a way to reintroduce the art of letter writing back into my life. Anyone need a pen-pal?

Secrets

2009-03-10T23:57:00.000-07:00

Less is More

2009-03-05T09:44:00.000-08:00

This is the philosophy I'm trying to force myself to adapt in my writing, and more importantly in my pitching. Clearly I'm a rambler, so I will have to force myself to bit my tongue.

My big question is - should I give away the ending of the story? Or just leave them hanging?

In the spirit of less is more (and because I haven't had any coffee yet) that is all I have to say at the moment.

Phase 1: Registration - COMPLETE.

2009-03-02T17:48:00.001-08:00

So today we secured our pitching spot for the Crazy 8's Film Festival . The only problem is that I've never pitched before. Currently I'm working on revising the script. I'm filing away all the little promising tidbits I can think of, and trying to capture the feeling of the film as I write. I want the pitch to be dynamic, but not cheesy. Derek is looking after the technical aspect of the pitch and fielding any questions regarding the visuals or equipment, so I am focusing on the story, which will take up the bulk of the time.

I'm struggling between having the main character narrate for himself, or having an omnipotent narrator in manner of Anthony Hopkins. I'm leaning towards the first option as the story centers around the fantasy that the main character creates for himself, and the isolation he experiences because of this. It would seem like a conflict of the point to allow an omnipotent narrator inside his head, privy to the very thing he keeps secret, that separates him from everything else.

While I'm wrestling with the story does anybody have any pitch suggestions for me?